Albums I Listed to in July

I stole this idea from Wil Pfeiffer over at X-Ray Spex, except instead of movies, mine will be music, and specifically, 15-ish albums from the same genre. So while this will never be all I listened to in any given month, I'll try to group together things that make sense to group together. 

Or, in the case of the below, "sense," because I don't think anyone with much of it would have lined up any of the below for sonic consumption. In some cases as we'll see, that's a shame; in others, well, I can't argue.

What deteriorated my sense and sensibilities for such things was basically sustained consumption of hair metal in the 80s. Something I've spent no small amount of time exploring in these pages. (See here, here, or here, for example.) In addition to all that - and to my nightly dose of Dial MTV, which was ruled by hair metal during this time - from 1987-1990 (probably a little beyond that, actually) I read a lot of stuff like:

"Who's shreddin'? Unh, dude?" was the question (or questions, I guess) that forever drove me to these things. occupied a lot of my mental landscape during those years. I couldn't play guitar worth a damn - still can't, really - but I liked to know who was the month's "hot" guitarist and I argued with people about who was truly the shred king and who was just flash and a big poser.

These magazines had many ads that have stuck with me over the years.

But moreso than these were the albums advertised on the inside cover, above.

I got to thinking about these inside-front-cover albums a few months back and decided to track them down. I only had a vague idea of what I was going for - "80s shred metal that would have been advertised in Guitar Player in 1988" more or less. Each thing led to something else. It was an interesting month. I wouldn't exactly recommend it to anyone - unless of course you spent the same amount of time looking over that front inside cover and thinking about all as I did in the waning years of hair metal.

With regard to this particular hair metal wheelhouse - call it shreddin'/ neoclassical, whatever you like - all my needs were met, then and now, by Joe Satriani, so I never really branched out as I otherwise would have. His music hits all the notes of the genre that appeal to me: intense cinema of the mind, rocking out, great use of his gear, videogame Sonic-type runs, some serene beauty like here or here, rocking out again,  sonata form run amok, dreamscape type stuff, atmosphere, atmosphere, and more atmosphere). 

I suspect, though - and this is no disrespect to Satriani or anyone, really - it's a first-through-the-door thing. Whomever first formed your impression of the genre is whom you think of as the calibration of the bunch. (Was that ever a name for a metal album, Calibrator? It should have been. Or a ZZ Top album, maybe.) Anyway, mine was Satriani.

Still going strong, although shorn of the "hair" part of hair metal these days. (In truth, he never really fit into "hair metal" but hey.) Still rocking that Ibanez - no other guitar embodies the genre quite the same.)

Was he the high point of the genre? Was it "Mr. Scary" by Dokken? Images and Words by Dream Theater? "Play With Me" by Extreme?" Any/ all of the below? Yaaaaaaaaaaah! You tell me yours after I tell you mine. Let us begin! 15-ish Hair Shreddin' Albums I Listened to in July, alphabetical order, cominatcha'.

1.

Kind of a busy logo, eh? It definitely has that junior high back of your covered textbook sort of feel to it.

Albums Listened To: No Parole from Rock and Roll (1983), Disturbing the Peace (1985), and Dangerous Games (1986). 

Alcatrazz was a bizarre band. Best known as a proving ground for two shredders (Yngwie Malmsteen and Steve Vai) who went on to bigger and better things, they were an odd fusion of sensibilities, or perhaps an insensible fusion of sensibilities, is a better way to put it. (The title track from No Parole encompasses all of them. As does the next one. But more on that in a second.) I never listened to them in the 80s, but I knew of them thanks to my old buddy Jay. He let me borrow his copy of Disturbing the Peace so I could make a copy of the lovely little Vai showcase on side 2. (Thanks to Eat 'Em and Smile and the movie Crossroads, I was a huge Vai fan. Other Vai fans might find it interesting to first hear the coda from Flex-Able's "Little Green Men" debuted here on "Wire and Wood".) I don't recall ever listening to the rest of it - or anything else by them - at the time.

Primarily the brainchild of Graham Bonnet, one of the most hair metal-y singers of the 80s, which is to say of all time.

I didn't know what to make of these guys. They were of their era; the confusion I felt listening to it now would not have existed in 1986 or 1987 in my old bedroom with the cassette going. I might not have liked it, but I'd have understood it - this is just what metal did. In 2018, though, I must've did a slow-turn and wtf-face at least a dozen times during Disturbing the Peace alone.

I mean, take this one, "The Stripper." Without clicking on the link, you'd probably get a certain idea of what the song might sound like or what its themes might be. And yet, when you hear it, nothing really adds up. It's not a "surprising" take on the material - well, I suppose it is, literally, quite that. But it's a damn peculiar angle of approach. Or how about "God Blessed Video"? There's a lot of 80s in that video. But moreover... I mean, what? What kind of idea for a song is that? And is that the right way to get at whatever message you're trying to get at? WTF is going on here? Alcatrazz prompted that reaction from me a lot, listening to these. ("Bigfoot," "General Hospital," "Mercy," "Too Young to Die, Too Drunk To Live" - all of them.)

One thing I learned this month: "released only in Japan" "only big in Japan" "moved to Japan in 2000-something" all feature prominently in the bios of ex-neoclassical folks. I guess that's where the shredders of the 20th century (and the Alcatrazzes) all went to die (or live forever) in the 21st.

Two last things: (1) Eddie Kramer must have been blasted out of his ever-loving mind on various substances or pharmaceuticals or both while producing Disturbing the Peace, and (2) on some other level of the Tower, "Ohaya Tokyo" was the theme song for The Drew Carey Show. (That's a play on the chorus and "Ohio" - sorry, kinda lame joke but it made me laugh through several edits of this post, so hey.)

2.

(1989)

Holy moley that cover! Wow. It was the 80s, though - no cheap shots from me. He seems to have done pretty good for himself in the years since. And really, cover aside, which puts it into a very specific section at the record store, this is a perfectly legit album.

I recall there being some kind of "I Have Seen the Future of Metal..."-esque ad campaign around this album, although my memory might be exaggerating it. I never heard it at the time. So, first time impressions in July 2018 were: 

- Clocking in at a cool 30:37? Good deal.

- Very much in that Vai/ Satriani tone and production mode. Had I heard this prior to hearing Satriani there's a chance (chronologically incorrect as it would be) I'd call things Saraceno-esque as a descriptor instead of Satriani-esque.

- "Remember When" is pretty cool.

3.

Albums Listened To: Speed Metal Symphony (1987) Go Off! (1988) Jason Becker - Perpetual Burn (1988), Marty Friedman - Dragon's Kiss (1988) 

Hey now! Okay, here is the one purchase I actually made from that aforementioned inside-cover of Guitar World. I was 13 in 1987, so this was the age of cutting lawns and such. I remember giving the cash to my Mom and her writing a check to Shrapnel Records. I wish I still had a copy of that check. Anyway, mail order was so magical to me when I was 13 or 14. Internet kids will never understand the same way I'll never understand not having grown up in a party line household or with an outhouse.

Magical mail order reverie aside, I didn't like it much when I was 13 and didn't like it much now. ("Concerto" is pretty good roller-coaster music, maybe. Some awesome amusement park flume ride or something. Or maybe some dingy street fair one - that might fit better, with the threat of electroction or fatal accident or vomit.) I listened to a couple of tracks of Go Off! and nothing really clicked. 

As for the axemen of the band, I liked their solo debuts -

a little more but nothing that really grabbed me. Marty Friedman ended up in Megadeth for a fairly long stretch. Jason Becker took Vai's place in the David Lee Roth Band, but ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease) sidelined his performing career. He still seems to be releasing music, though, which is good to hear. Marty moved to Japan and has been cranking out music year after year.

4.

Racer X was kind of an awesome name. I remember wanting to hear these guys so bad - and another metal one from the same era, TT Quick, whose Metal of Honor I did own - and crank - back in the day. Unfortunately, these guys didn't do it for me hearing them for the first time in 2018. I had to jettison Street Lethal (1986) about 3/4s of the way through. Second Heat (1987) is an improvement but still a mess. ("Moonage Daydream," wow, though. So wrong. There are some "Yaaaah!" metal-harmonies randomly applied throughout that greatly amuse me, though. I like how they couldn't figure out how to do the flute-stuff in the middle of the song in a metal fashion, so they just omitted it altogether.)

Technical Difficulties, though, isn't a bad little metal album at all. Guess they just needed a couple of warm-ups - can't blame them for that. "17th Moon" is pretty rocking; "Phallic tractor" (!!) likewise. ("Barney's film had heart, but "Phallic Tractor" had a phallic tractor.") Too bad it came out in 1999 and not in the 80s.

5.

There's a lot of cross-over in this genre. Kotzen joined Poison (as did Blues Saraceno at one point), and later he replaced Paul Gilbert (from Racer X) in Mr. Big. He also collaborated with Greg Howe, also a Sharpnel Records signatory, and released all told something like a gazillion records. Good on ya, Mr. Kotzen.

As for these two, they're fun enough. Hit play on this one and you know what to expect. This kind of song takes me back; I associate it with malls and the Dream Machine arcade and summertime. That might not be you; if not, you probably associate it with some far part of town you neither understand nor want to be in. And ditto for "Spider Legs" which reminds me of Ratt, which makes me think this one needs a little Stephen Pearcy. Something few ever have reason to write.

As for Fever Dream (1990), some of the licks and grooves are cool, but the songs/ vocals/ lyrics never quite gel for me. Too many entries in this genre sound like that "Let's Fighting Love" song from South Park to me. But that's not Richie Kotzen's fault.

6.

(1982)

This doesn't quite fit the shredder/neoclassical theme I have going, but I revisited it and wanted to update the official Dog Star Omnibus take on the band. I have previously stated publicly that they are basically the prototype of so much of the decade that followed, sort of a hair metal equivalent of the National Security Action Memo that Oliver Stone purports to have started the Vietnam War in JFK. Listening to it again, though, it made me think it's really only four songs that are this ("Kept Me Coming", "When I'm With You", "Mama Baby", and "Give Me Rock and Roll"); the rest is more or less not so distinguished.  

And, really, of those, there were multiple precedents, such as (quite loudly and clearly) Rainbow and Foreigner on "Mama Baby." So, I've got to walk back my earlier accliam. Perfectly fine hair metal from an unfortunately-named band, but the missing link between 70s metal and 80s it is not. 

Still, if you wanted to nail down the Hair Metal era as making the most sense between "When I'm With You" when it was released (82) and when it hit number one (89), I'd probably agree.

7.

(1983)

Steeler put out one album - this one - and was fronted by Ron Keel. They had All-Roads-Lead-To-Yngwie for one album (this) before he left for Alcatrazz and before he went solo. Ron Keel is a metal radio guy now, last I checked, but his post-Steeler project was Keel. They had one song ("The Right to Rock.") I can remember seeing on Headbanger's Ball once or twice, but for the most part they, like Steeler, were pretty much unknowns to me in the 80s.

As for this album, or really any album like it, it's the kind of fun-but-terrible record you want to be very careful about showing anyone. Like your favorite conspiracy theory or collection of Chick Tracts, bringing it up in the wrong company will forever exile you to "kook"land in the eyes of those in the room with you. Somewhere down the line even the soundest of your opinions will be tarred by that brush.

Luckily we're among friends here! What could go wrong on the internet?

Anyway, it's really not the greatest album. "Hot on Your Heels" is a shop demonstration of shred guitar, "Serenade" one (that no one really needed) for the metal falsetto. Someday Dog Star Omnibus is going to go to an All-Opera format, and we'll talk about the castrati and the works in the repertoire written for them (or for contra-tenors now, like Philip Glass' Akhenaten.) Until then we have "Serenade."

8.

I enjoyed both Edge of Insanity (1986) and Maximum Security (1987). I should probably stress: these guys were practically teenagers when they did all this stuff. They were on the other side of adolescence than I was, i.e. just leaving it as I was entering it, but for a confused moment we saw each other across a crowded room of Aquanet and dry ice.

"The Witch and the Priest" deserves credit for anticipating how so much 21st century Iron Maiden was going to sound. At least to one man in 1986, it seemed perfectly obvious; good on ya, Tony. "No Place in Time" is not so bad, either; the right movie soundtrack comes along, you got yourself a stew.

I never heard either of these back in the day. I wish I could get my 14 year old self to get wicked into it via time travel suggestion. (Squints... outstretches hand... computer hum... eyeballs vibrating...)

9.

Vandenburg: Vandenburg (1982) and Heading for a Storm (1983)

I can remember some black and white (so it must have been Blast) article I read about Andrian Vandenburg prior to his joining Whitesnake. (Whitesnake? Yep, just looked him up. Apparently he has a band called "Vandenberg's Moonkings" too, which is pretty awesome. The name - no idea about the music. Maybe next July.) -For some reason I always think of these guys as bigger than they were. Blast/ Hit Parader/ Circus had that effect on me. If they were in there, I just sort of assumed they were bigtime. Later, I realized these magazines were written by the bands' publicists. Or while doing lines with them, I have no idea.

Anyway, this was less shred-y and more classic rock-y / Bad Company-y. "Burning Heart" (at least the chorus) is probably the one you'd remember, if any. They go in a more Honeymoon Suite/ Footloose-y direction on Heading for a Storm. "Welcome to the Club" is an acceptable (though nowhere near the glory of) rewrite of "Torpedo Girl" by Kiss. 

10.

(1985)

Here's one I never knew back in the day but as I was looking stuff up for all the above I kept seeing their name mentioned so I decided to make them part of the proceedings.

Some straight-up mid-80s power metal here. A little Priest-y here and there. How about that end of "Murder"? Muddy production, some swagger for sure, a wonderful kind of overreach here: very metal. This reminds me a lot of Megadeth actually, or W.A.S.P. I'm kicking myself, by the way, for not including either of those bands in July and even considered cheating to pretend I had just so I could throw some on and ramble on about it. It's taken me so long to type up what I did listen to, though, so hey,

Should've given "March or Die" to Anthrax, though. (Not too late, Anthrax!) Not to spend so much time talking about so many other bands. They're still bringing the metal to the masses in 2018. I don't know any of their other stuff; I'm kind of crap with post-80s metal. (Except Maiden.)

11.

Vinnie Moore: Mind's Eye (1986) Time Odyssey (1988)

Here's the guitarist from the above in two albums I remember reading a lot about in Shredder's Weekly back in the day. (Note: this magazine might not exist.) There's a lot of cool videogame music here. I don't mean to give backhanded compliments. But when I hear things like "Message in a Dream," I want to play some Stun Runner. And Stun Runner was awesome! So for me it's not a bad thing to say, but I don't mean to say it's only that, or to ghettoize it in any fashion.

One thing that comes through quite clear is Vinnie had (has, I guess - he's still out there, having joined UFO in 2003) great tone. Tone is basically the ability to play or sustain a note in a memorable, unbroken way. David Gilmour, Robert Cray, Eric Clapton, Carlos Santana, Gary Moore - just a couple of acclaimed tone guys. There's a cover of "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" on here, which affords the listener the chance to admire Clapton's tone over Vinnie's shoulder.

12.

Vinnie Vincent Invasion: Vinnie Vincent Invasion (1986) VVI (1988)

I didn't get into Kiss until the late 90s, but I somehow was a huge fan of Vinnie Vincent Invasion in 1986 and 1987. Go figure. The first album is such a crazy mess. From the moment the needle drops on "Boyz Are Gonna Rock," a haze of hair metal sleaze descends and envelops the listener like menthol cigarette smoke mixed with Everclear-and-Kool-Aid. A totally rad kid on a BMX flies through the mist overhead, and within three measures, you know everything about how the rest of the album is going to go down: drums/bass basically a metronome, vocals and guitar in open contempt of subtlety and restraint and good sense. Like Quiet Riot on Red Bull and Rob Liefeld comics.

VVI is technically the 2nd Vinnie Vincent Invasion album, but it probably should be considered Slaughter's first album, as many who came before me have pointed out. (Well, "many.") Outside of "Love Kills" (featured in A Nightmare on Elm Street, Pt. 4), the one I remember most is "Dirty Rhythm." I had a total flashback when I was re-acquainted with the couplet "Come together in serenade / pull the pin on my love grenade." Man that makes zero sense. Just none. You can see how the guy got a job with Gene and Paul, though.

And finally:

13.

Yngwie Malmesteen: Rising Force (1984) Live in Leningrad (1989)

"All roads lead to Yngwie," I said to my wife when I was describing this project. "Get me out of this town, then," she said. That cracked me up.

Okay, so here was my 80s timeline with Yngwie Malmsteen:

- My brother had one of those metal compilation albums that had "I See the Light Tonight" on it.
- My buddy Jay - who was a metal Johnny Appleseed of North Smithfield, RI, leaving hair metal cassettes behind him everywhere he went; he was the only person I've ever known who owned the Dudes soundtrack - let me borrow Rising Force (1984). (And Alcatrazz and Racer X now that I think about it. I made a copy and listened to that one an awful lot on the bus in 7th and 8th grade.
- I had Trilogy (1986) and Odyssey (1988) on cassette, as well, but the one I wanted to revisit was Live in Leningrad, which had all the hits from those on it, ("thi-is could be paradise!") so I didn't revisit those.
- 1991-1994: As metal faded from my life (for the time being) every now and again I'd throw on Live in Leningrad. And love it.

"Black Star" is still a pretty awesome slice of the genre to my ears. Anytime the Talib Kweli and Mos Def band has come up I make an Yngwie reference and everyone cringe-hisses. The reaction amuses me. Ah well. In the same way we used to have the Air Drum Band/ Arm Dance Studio at summer camp talent shows, I wish we'd had an air guitar one for this song. Or maybe for the song after it on Rising Force, "Far Beyond the Sun." That's metal air-guitar-face galore right there. Some enterprising young lad or lass needs to make a Bill and Ted montage for that and leave the link in the comments. Please and thank you.

Rest of Rising Force: "Now Your Ships Have Burned" - wtf? "Evil Eye", man I love that fade out; had a genuine time travel moment hearing that again in 2018. "Icarus" is fantastic. The last part of that should've been utilized in a B-80s movie for a chase/ magic cross-cut scene. And still should! My own personal Stranger Things movie has this for the big montage scene where my character pedals home one step ahead of the evil forces unleashed that he and his friends must somehow defeat. "As Above, So Below" - oh man. Terrible. "Lil Savage" / "Farewell" - I forgot about these. Meh. But for the ones I love, such a classic, Essential-McMolo record.

As for Live in Leningrad, man, did I love "You Don't Remember, I'll Never Forget" back in the day. I honestly forgot how much I listened to Live in Leningrad until revisiting this album. In many ways this solo showcase from the album sums up all the good and bad about shred metal and might be a good one to end on. 

(I do not endorse clicking that link, unless you have some dishes to do or something. 10 minutes of Yngwie might trigger a The Ring type scenario otherwise.)

(That might go for all of these links - too late now, but just in case. May whatever God you believe in take mercy upon your soul. Yaaaaaaaah!)

~

And with that (sound of book closing shut) we probably won't be back to these waters for some time... join us sometime in September for Albums I Listened To in August (genre: orchestral.)  

Kiss: Album by Album (1983 - 1998)

Let us continue our Kiss odyssey (Kissodyssey?) down through the years.

This period of the band's career saw big changes. Casablanca Records went out in a blaze of debt and angel dust, and their new label was more bottom-line-oriented. Bye-bye 24-hour limo service. Ace and Peter were out, Gene and Paul parted ways with manager Bill Aucoin, and then went through four guitarists in as many years. While they were still on the first of those four (Vinnie) they decided to ditch the make-up for the release of:

Lick It Up (1983)

Track Listing: Exciter / Not for the Innocent / Lick It Up / Young and Wasted / Give Me More / All Hell's Breaking Loose / A Million to One / Fits Like a Glove / Dance All Over Your Face / And On the 8th Day

Shrewd move. The visual impact of Kiss was known the world over, but it was strongly associated with their adventures in the 1970s. The band needed to re-brand themselves for the new decade.

Favorite tunes: Title track, "Exciter," "All Hell's Breaking Loose." The rest range from "meh" to not bad. "Dance All Over Your Face" is a damn funny title, though not a fave.

"Lick It Up" is such a crazy tune. Rock classic, definitely. Whatever else can be said of this era of Kiss, they produced at least three bona-fide classics. (Not to mention at least a dozen personal favorites.) This is the first of them. Beyond the rocking-ness, it is one of the funniest videos ever filmed. I'm positive they didn't mean it to be, but such are the waters 80s videos often navigate.

The other video from the album was for "All Hell's Breaking Loose." As a song, it clocks in at about Mach-2 on the absurdity-radar. But it's got nothing on the video. I was originally going to devote a whole blog to this one, but I think I can make do with only a few screencaps. Here's the full vid itself:

After fending off an attack by slow mutants, Gene pauses to roast his turkey leg on a random street fire.

They round the corner and meet a little person in Victorian garb accompanied by a man on stilts.

This little-person-and-man-with-stilts sequence is bizarrely paired with the lines "Street hustler comes up to me one day / And I'm walkin' down the street, mindin' my own business / Now he looks me up and he looks me down and says / Hey man, what be this and what be that / And why you gotta look like that?" In the video itself, the little man pantomimes haranguing Paul in such a manner.

Is this what was meant by "street hustler?" Paul's response by the way, is epic: "Well I just looked at him, I kinda laughed, I said Hey man, I am cool, I am the breeze..." You just know he really wanted people to take this and run with it. "Call me 'The Breeze,' damn it!"

From here, they continue to some kind of club, where a thrown knife is a visual reminder of the danger they navigate on our behalf.

The knife-thrower

This is followed by almost thirty seconds of fire-breathing and suggestive apple-eating by those inside whatever club this is.

Finally, they take the stage.

The ladies are taken with Paul.

An impromptu sword fight breaks out.

The little man re-appears. (No sign of the man on stilts.) Obviously Paul's "I am the breeze" line inspired him to follow Kiss to the club, where he throws Paul a sword so Kiss can escape the fray.

And off they go.

I'm not sure if this video was filmed before or after Motley Crue's "Too Young to Fall in Love," but there are a lot of similarities. Then again, when it comes to 80s metal, all rivers tend to empty in the same sea.

Ownability Factor: 8 out of 10. Nah, 10 out of 10. Why not.

Animalize (1984)

Track Listing: I've Had Enough (Into the Fire) / Heaven's On Fire / Burn Bitch Burn / Get All You Can Take / Lonely Is the Hunter / Under the Gun / Thrills in the Night / While the City Sleeps / Murder in High Heels

(God, that cover. Ugh. You just know it's something totally disgusting, as well, like their used furry Kiss thongs or something after a night banging the same blow-up doll, or something. Gross.)

I'd written some things about this album for this here overview but after another listen last night while making pasta, I decided it deserves its own entry. Stay tuned to this space for more details.

Ownability Factor: 10 out of 10.

Asylum (1985)

Kiss's glam phase continues; it's difficult to truly explain this stuff, now or then. It has its precedent in the 70s, of course, and even older than that, but how all that translated to hard rock acts on Dial-MTV remains a single, very powerful radio emission aimed at Jupiter: still a total mystery.

Track listing: King of the Mountain / Any Way You Slice It / Who Wants To Be Lonely / Trial By Fire / I'm Alive / Love's a Deadly Weapon / Tears Are Falling / Secretly Cruel / Radar for Love / Uh! All Night

Favorite tunes: "Tears Are Falling" (the third of the three bona-fide classics aforementioned. Three guesses what the remaining one is. Hint: It's "Heaven's On Fire.") "Uh! All Night" (one of Paul's silliest, but also one of all rock's silliest) "I'm Alive" (another if-they-could-have-bottled-the-80s-it-would-have-smelled-like-this tunes) and "Who Wants To Be Lonely." The video for that one is just jawdropping. Not just the softcore porn of it all, but how exuberant everyone is. One of my favorite Kiss tunes, nonetheless. The "oh-whoah-OHH-OHH!"s in the chorus are so ridiculously fun. When explaining Paul Stanley to anyone, be sure to include this one, "I'm Alive," and maybe even "I Still Love You" from Animalize. (Okay, that's twice I've brought up Animalize since saying I'd save it for another blog, so zip it, McMillan.)

Actually, forget what I said. As Ch'gyam Trungpa once said of Wavy Gravy, "That man is self-explanatory."

So Dumb It Might Actually Be Brilliant: "Any Way You Slice It."

Ownability Factor: 8 out of 10.

Crazy Nights (1987)

Track Listing: Crazy Crazy Nights / I'll Fight Hell to Hold You / Bang Bang You / No No No / Hell or High Water / My Way / When Your Walls Come Down / Reason To Live / Good Girl Gone Bad / Turn On the Night / Thief in the Night

A comeback album of sorts, as it was their highest-selling record of the 80s. I'll spare you any further shots of Paul Stanley's thong from the back cover.

Favorite tunes: Title track, and (see below) Least favorites: "Turn On the Night" is just... words fail me. I'm shocked this was written by Paul and not Gene, actually.

Sagacity of the Starchild: I have no idea if this is the actual case or not, but it sure seems like Paul had so much fun writing "Uh! All Night" on the last album that he said, "You know what? Why even bother with innuendo?" And "Bang Bang You" is the result. You'd figure the chorus (I'm gonna bang, bang you! I'll shoot you down with my love gun, baby!) would be the silliest line in the song, but you'd figure wrong: If love's a crime I've got a hundred schemes / I'll be the villain in your book of dreams. This should probably be a "So Dumb It May Actually Be Brilliant" entry, but I'm pretty sure it's both with no ambiguity.

Ownability Factor: 5 out of 10.

In 1988, Kiss released another compilation album: 

The band recorded two new tracks: another facepalm-rocker from Paul ("Let's Put the X in Sex") and for my money the closest thing to "Love Gun" he ever wrote, "(You Make Me) Rock Hard." Not as cool as "LG," but minus the silliness of the parenthetical, there, this is a surprisingly melodic tune. It's definitely the prettiest song ever written about getting an erection.

Personal note: I hadn't heard too much 70s Kiss at the time this came out, so getting this one was akin to discovering "Space Seed" after having watched Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan so many times. And for that reason I'll give it an Ownability Factor of 9 out of 10. Plus, "Rock Hard." Maybe 10 out of 10.

Hot in the Shade (1989)

Track Listing: Rise to It / Betrayed / Hide Your Heart / Prisoner of Love / Read My Body (!?) / Love's a Slap in the Face / Forever / Silver Spoons / Cadillac Dreams / King of Hearts / The Street Giveth and the Street Taketh
Away (?!) / You Love Me To Hate You / Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell / Little Caesar/ Boomerang

At the time of its release, I really hated this album, and it seemed my decision to go with the Space Ace over these guys was the right one. Ace released Trouble Walkin' the same year, something I always let my buddy Dan know when he'd try and convince this was the superior release. Many a lunchtime argument over that one. My opinion has since been upgraded to "meh." I still consider it the band's weakest effort.

Favorite track: Technically, it's not a fave - and Ace Frehley's version is a little more to my liking, to boot - but the video for "Hide Your Heart" is pretty funny. 80s videos have several trends, and Kiss made a point - as they always do with any trend that overlaps with their target market - to check off each and every box: the live concert video, (everything from Crazy Nights) the rockers-in-post-apocalyptic-landscape video (we got two of those on Lick It Up,) the models-in-strange-make-up / band-on-neon-soundstage video, etc. ("Who Wants To Be Lonely.") And then this sort of thing: the pretense to social commentary/ story-video, usually (as is the case here) about a pair of star-crossed lovers whose tale is told interspersed between shots of the band performing.

"Boomerang" has its moments, even if it, too, is kind of generic. That's my main beef with Hot in the Shade. It sounds like literally every other hard rock album from this era. Maybe it's what the guys were going for. Their competition at this point were bands like Winger, after all.

Ownability factor: 3 out of 10.

Around this time, Kiss contributed a cover of Argent's "God Gave Rock and Roll To You" to the Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey soundtrack.

I'd always assumed it was written by Petra, who covered it for their '84 album Beat the System, which is where I first heard it as that album got a lot of play in my brother's Dungeons and Dragons group. Petra was a Christian rock band - not the most predictable company for a group that listened mainly to Demon, Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden et al.

Kiss opened for Argent back in the early days, before getting kicked off the tour. (One of the many bands to fire them as their opening act.) The song's been retconned as a "tribute to Eric Carr," who would sadly die of cancer in 1991. As a tribute, it's a little lame. It may be bad manners to say that, but it's too silly to be taken seriously. If I was at a funeral and the choir broke into this, I'd feel like they were making light of the affair. If I find out, however, that one night, the band was all down, and Eric started quietly preaching the gospel of rock and roll and how God put it in the souls of everyone, and then touched a wand to Paul's, Gene's, and Bruce's foreheads, who then rose as avatars of this new religion, well, all right.

Even without this scenario, if there is a man on Earth who actually feels about rock and roll the way all frontmen preach it to the crowd, it may be Paul Stanley. Here he raises it to the highest platitude. His "straight-talk" over the ending minute has all the feel of a baptist tent revival.

It was included on:

Revenge (1992)

Track listing: Unholy / Take It Off / Tough Love / Spit / God Gave Rock and Roll To You / Domino / Heart of Chrome / Thou Shalt Not / Every Time I Look at You / Paralyzed / I Just Wanna / Carr Jam 1981

Despite the terrible title and the even more terrible cover, this album unexpectedly (and perhaps even unreasonably) kicks a lot of ass. Vinnie Vincent returned to co-write some songs, though apparently he got along with Paul and Gene even worse this time around.

Sometimes The Demon Surprises Me: Although the song wouldn't surface until Gene's solo album over 10 years later, even Bob freaking Dylan worked on it. A fact so bizarre that it bears repeating in boldface: Bob Dylan and Gene Simmons collaborated on a song. The experience must have inspired Gene, as he contributes some of his best work here: "Unholy" - a cover version by the German band Die Artze must be heard to be believed - "Spit," and "Domino." (It's amusing to think of Gene showing these songs to Bob Dylan, and Dylan singing them to himself on the way home.)

Sagacity of the Starchild: Ditto for Paul, who seems especially committed to exaggerating his usual tricks on this album. Whether it's the Uh-huhs that punctuate the verses of "Take It Off" or the ridiculous fun of "I Just Wanna" to the chomp-and-stomp surreality of "Heart of Chrome," (You taped our sexy conversations / and you sold them to the BBC has been puzzling me for 20 years now) it's Paul's strongest presence on a Kiss record since Asylum.

Ownability factor: 10 out of 10.

Alive III (1993)

Track listing at the wiki.

Another one that is way better than it should be. The version of "I Was Made For Loving You" is heavier than any that appear elsewhere, and Paul's stage banter is from another planet.

Just a great collection of tunes altogether. Ownability factor: 15 out of 10. (Yes, even more than the first Alive.)

MTV Unplugged (1995)

Favorite tunes: The acoustic version of "I Still Love You" is somehow even more bombastic and gothic than the electric one. The same can't be said for "Sure Know Something," but it's an equally surprising choice for an acoustic album and a great version of it. I love that damn song. I love both damn songs. And Gene dusts off "Goin' Blind" for some damn reason - something he does again on Alive IV.  * Ownability Factor: 10 out of 10.

* I only this weekend began reading Gene's book (Kiss and Make-up) and discovered his old buddy and Wicked Lester bandmate Stephen Coronel co-wrote this one. I knew that part of it, I guess, but what never occurred to me was the reason this one pops up so much on other recordings is so Steve can continue to realize royalties from it. That's a cool enough little story for me to give "Goin' Blind" a pass from here on out.

The main attraction is the original line-up getting together for the last few songs. Which is cool, but it's just an appetizer for the course to come. After:

Carnival of Souls (1997)

Track listing: Hate / Rain / Master and Slave / Childhood's End / I Will Be There / Jungle / In My Head / It Never Goes Away / Seduction of the Innocent / I Confess / In the Mirror / I Walk Along

What's weirder, that Kiss cut a grunge-y record or that it's actually a perfectly legitimate grunge record? If you replaced Paul Stanley's vocals with Lane Staley's, "Jungle" would be one of Alice in Chains' best songs. Not that I'm suggesting Paul's vocals are bad on that - or any of these - track(s), just a) you'd have to remove Paul's vocals to fool anyone, as his voice is so distinctively Kiss, and b) if you did, no one would blink if this was slipped onto an Alice in Chains CD.

Ownability Factor: 10 out of 10. Like The Elder, despite its being a solid record, Kiss more or less distanced themselves completely from it. They had good reason to, though, as they did the reunion tour and then the reunion record:

Psycho Circus (1998)

Track listing: Psycho Circus / Within / I Pledge Allegiance to the State of Rock and Roll / Into the Void / We Are One / You Wanted the Best / Raise Your Glasses / I Finally Found My Way / Dreamin' / Journey of 1000 Years

In the 90s, grunge did to metal what Rome did to Carthage. Kiss survived with its fan base intact - they and Metallica seemed to be the only metal acts of the 80s to do so - but even had they not, they always had a trump card. If times got tough, they could put the make-up back on, grab Ace and Peter from their respective small-venue tours / IRS problems, and go on tour.

Which is exactly what they did. And they made a gazillion dollars. (Well, $147 million, more precisely. The highest grossing tour in their history.)

Ace and Peter were paid per show and didn't get a cut of the merchandising/ ticket sales. Something both complain about a lot in their books. While I can sympathize - it's got to be tough to be hired back into the band you once quarter-owned as only an employee and seeing your former mates rake in the lion's share of the profits - let's keep this in mind. Peter got paid $40k per show, Ace $50k. They played around 400 shows between 1996 and 2001. That's over $16 million for Peter and $20 million for Ace.

Those are only estimations, obviously, but still. Not a bad chunk of change.

It's got to be tough to see yourself only "moderately" enriched while working just as hard as the guys who are getting five times as rich, sure. But we'll get to all of this in the solo books.

The tours aside, Psycho Circus is a reunion in name only. Peter and Ace appear basically only on "Into the Void" though Ace plays on a couple of other tracks.

Favorite tracks: Title track, "Into the Void," "Dreamin'."

Sometimes the Demon Surprises Me: It's Gene's songs that are the most surprising. There's not a clunker in the bunch - that makes Psycho Circus the only Kiss record where Gene outshines Paul. Even crazier: neither "Within," "We Are One," nor "Journey of 1000 Years" allude in any way to genitalia, his or anyone else's. This should have been the cover story of every magazine in 1998. (Compounding the oversight instead of correcting it, Time Magazine gave its "Men of the Year" Award to Kenneth Starr and Bill Clinton. Way to go, nerds.)

And Men Shall Call Him... Space Ace: When Ace belts out "I'm losing power and I don't know wh-y-y-y..." it's a more-than-words moment of what's been missing from every Kiss record since The Elder.

Ownability Factor: 10 out of 10

~

At some point, I'll blog up my thoughts on Alive IV, (the DVD) Sonic Boom, and Monster. I always roll my eyes when a band goes on a Farewell tour, then keeps touring and putting out albums. I don't quibble with their right to do whatever they want, of course, but as my small protest to the practice, I won't include those in this 2-part overview. The albums are worth covering, though, and I'll probably turn my attention to other aspects of the Kissverse before I get there.