Top 50 Shatner Moments in Trek, pt. 3: 30 - 21

Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends. See here for pt. 1 and here for pt. 2. Lots of ground to cover today, so here's pt. 3, comin-atcha!

30. 

"Just testing... Be in touch with you later..." plus freakout(s)

"Whom Gods Destroy"

Most attention is paid to the madness that follows the above line:

Makes complete sense - just look at him, up there. I didn't screencap how he starts pounding on the floor afterward. And yet the lead-in ("Just testing...") is so ridiculous, not only because Shatner delivers it so awkwardly but because it'd be silly for Garth (who - not that anyone needs me to tell them - is shape-shift-impersonating Kirk in this scene) to stumble so badly, here, as well. But that "be in touch with you later" that comes tumbling out never fails to make me laugh.

As does this.

29.

"What's Happening to Lt. Youhoara?" 

"The Gamesters of Triskelion"

When Uhura is menaced off-screen by her drill thrall, the Captain is so concerned for her safety that he gurgles her name rather memorably. This is one of two (we already saw the other one at spot 43) cut-to-commercial moments that Shatner hit so hard out of the park that the ball is still traveling in outer space.

28. 

"If you! Can't! Keep! Her! That's your problem." 

"By Any Other Name"

As part of the gang's solution to overcoming the Kelvans, Kirk decides to seduce the lead female antagonist to so befuddle and overload her with physical sensations - and inflame Rojan to jealousy - that they can... well, here the plan kind of breaks down. Basically, it's to distract the Kelvins so they can try and regain control of the ship, but what happens is a fistfight followed by Kirk offering the same thing they've been offering them the whole episode and Rojan - who is supposed to be so jammed-up with human feelings so as not to be thinking straight - suddenly rationally apprehends the situation.

Who cares, though? Watching the crew go about their subterfuge is a lot of fun, and Shatner brings his typical A-game to the mugging about. (Also from this episode: "they've transformed the whole crew!" Replete with fist banging on table. Blood alone moves the wheels of history!)

27.  

"NO BLAH BLAH BLAH!" 

"Miri"

I mean he does about as good a job as you can to try and convince a group of alien children to give up their urchin anti-vaxx lifestyle and embrace science and the Federation. But no dice. At least not through his heroic discourse. 

There's a bit of genuine anger in the scene where Kirk removes the little bonk-bonk tyrant from the chair or desk and throws him to the floor. I wonder if Shatner belted him one off-camera.

26. 

"There she is! That's the one. What have you done with Spock's brain?" 

"Spock's Brain"

The question of the franchise, right there, perhaps the century itself. (Either the 20th or the 23rd.) Beyond the wonderful absurdity of actually posing it is Shatner's insanely dedicated delivery of it.

And speaking of dedicated:

25. 

  

"Spock's Brain" Pain Freakouts

And that's only four of them! (See here for more.) There's a generous amount of screentime devoted to this in this episode. Shatner especially (as expected) exploits the crap out of the opportunity.

24. 

  

DOUBLE SHOULDER GRABS

Kirk's signature move, performed in just about every episode, so this is a representational spot for all of them. A lifetime achievement award of sorts.

 

Variations include the double-shoulder-grab and sudden-head-turn, the double-shoulder-grab-and-ol'-besame-mucho, or the ever-popular all of the above, plus knock-out punch. Examples abound, but here's one from "Gamesters:"

"I'm... sorry, Shanna."

23. 

 "The Enterprise Incident," pt. 1 

Pound for pound is there more Shatner dynamism in this single episode than any other of the series? Arguably so, yes. I decided to split up my entries between pre-Romulan-surgery and post. Even so, there's just so much... as with many spots here, let's consider these representational of all of them, not limited to what I screencapped. (Not pictured: "Let her rant - there's nothing to say!")

When he's pretending (well, "pretending") to be an unhinged renegade, there's the whole interrogation and fake-murder scene, which starts with him making the face (above), continues with as high-level a harangue as Shatner's ever delivered ("Shut up, Spock!"), then the mother of all dramatic-pause-death threads ("I'll ... ... kill you!"):

And then it's capped off with Spock employing the "Vulcan Death Grip" and Shatner's lapsing into a silent scream so powerful it fooled even those most cunning of spacefarers (allegedly), the Romulans.

Brilliant stuff. If you ever need more reasons to hate Nemesis, watch this one again.

22. 

   

(a) "Open it." 

(b) "Landru... LANDRU. WE ARE THE ARCHONS, WE'VE COME TO SPEAK. WE ARE THE ARCHONS, WE WANT TO TALK TO YOU."

"The Return of the Archons"

I bow to few in my adoration of this episode. But (as with "The Enterprise Incident" or "City on the Edge of Forever") even though it's one of the best episode (and my personal favorite) of the series, that doesn't mean Shatner still doesn't throw us all a few favors here and there. Principally: (a) Kirk's kind of a dick to everyone on Beta III. He's got no time for this nonsense. As they start to piece it all together, he realizes he has to bully his ally to get into the Hall of Audiences. The beats of this scene are vintage Shatner. ("Here is Landru." "Open it." "But this is Landru." "Open it.") Leading into (b) Holy moley, this entrance into Landru HQ is even vintage-ier Shatner. What did we do to deserve this? And his delivery/ emphasis is so singular here - especially that "we've come to speak" part and the way he kind of trails off with the end of "want to talk to you."

Really, though, it's everything from "Open It" right through the end that I'd like to include here at spot 22. I mean putting aside the episode as an excellent template for Kirk-the-world-destroyer/computer-suicide-whisperer, there are some wonderful vocal highlights of 60s Shatner on display here.

21. 

"The Enterprise Incident," pt. 2

Here we have the post-Romulan-surgery stuff from this episode. From the very first (Kirk's drinking in Scotty's wonder at his appearance) every moment is gold. but let me just single out two quick sequences:

(a) "Over there!"

and (b) this fantastic sequence of Kirk being discovered, his judo-kicking the guard unconscious with one sidestep move, then the sudden head-turn to the cloaking device. 

 

Also, I love that he just walks up to it, does a double-shoulder-grab on it, and then just unscrews it. Such security!

~

Next: Into the Top Twenty!

Top 50 Shatner Moments in Trek, pt. 2: 40 - 31

Let us continue our overview of the Shatner-iest moments in Star Trek. See here for #s 50-41. Let us begin!

40. 

"I think it's time we did a little simple and plain communicating. 

Tonight." 

"Errand of Mercy"

This episode in general works on many levels, and Kirk - contrasted against the grinning placid Orgainians and his counterport Kor, not to mention good ol' emotionless Spock - gets ample chance to shine. But the staccato way he delivers this line ("I - think - it's time we - did a little - simple - and plain - communicating. (beat) Tonight." Which in his accent sounds almost like "ta-night") earned it a spot in our countdown.

I've wondered a few times in getting this post together whether my dearly departed buddy (and eternal Shatner/ TOS fan) Klum is influencing these selections. This (and several from last time, and more to come) was always one he did perfectly/ referenced often. 

Anyway, this is not a delivery I hear people mention much. But it's worth pointing out/ puzzling over/ imitating over and over again. 

39.

"Are You All Right?"

"I, Mudd"

Ditto, this. "I, Mudd" is one of those episodes you love in junior high and then less and less as time goes on. In my case I seem to be coming round to really enjoying it again. My first list didn't have this one on it, but my parents were in town recently, and I watched it with them. After the fake-bomb goes off (apologies - I just could not get the perfect screencap, so I settled for the above) Kirk goes up to Norman and asks him in that drawl "Are you all right?" The absurdity of the situation, and his serious pose of the question amuse me muchly. Shatner rules. 

38. 

"Let's Get Out of Here"

"The Return of the Archons" 

Let's consider this a representational example of all (but one) Kirk's many "Let's get out of here!"s throughout the series.

This episode (my favorite) never gets old; its set-up is so perfect. Kirk's reactions to everything on Beta III from when they land to when they get into the hotel are great. Actually, throughout the episode. Kirk's attitude on Beta III is the essence of the character/ a template for modern man.

And while we're here, I can always hear Klum in my head whenever Kirk says it. "Motherfucker, you hear everyone else pronouncing it 'Lan-dru' but you just keep on saying Laaahndru..."

37. 

"McCoy! LEONARD McCoy? Stay right here! Spock! SPO-C-K!!"

"City on the Edge of Forever"

Everyone falls over themselves in praising this episode - and rightly so - or holding it up as an example of when TOS "got serious." But tucked right into the big drama at episode's end is the greatest Kirk-calls-to-Spock-and-Bones moment of them all. (And, this happened an awful lot on the show; they loved saying each other's names. And in Shatner's case, bellowing or barking them.) 

So let's set the scene. After traveling through time and space to await the arrival of McCoy - something they are not at all positive will even happen or that they will be present for - Kirk's special lady friend casually mentions "McCoy." Kirk does the double shoulder grab and unleashes the first part of the quote. Then, this glorious business happens in slow-motion as his face and throat grapple with the name of his first officer and best friend:

He then goes charging across the road screaming "SPOOOOOOOCCCCCCK!!" I mean, it's just perfect. That it doesn't mar or belittle the earned drama/ pathos around it is icing on the cake. 

36. 

"There's no serum! There are no miracles! There's no immortality here! ALL THIS IS FOR NOTHING!"

"The Omega Glory"

Oh, we'll definitely be back for this episode. But Kirk's eruption here mid-episode is, decibels-wise, one of his eruption-iest of the whole franchise. 

35. 

"Free-fall!" 

"Wolf in the Fold"

Ye gods... so much craziness happens in this episode that one could easily forget this glorious moment in the turbolift when the Jack the Ripper ghost that's assumed control of the Enterprise (...somehow) throws them into (as Shatner announces) freefall. The drama comes out of nowhere, spikes with typical Shatner intensity, then is passed and no one speaks of it again (or thinks twice about taking the turbolift.)

In short, it makes no sense for the story/ is kind of lame. But Shatner sells it like he's been handed the Glengarry leads. 

34. 

"Turnabout Intruder" trailer

This episode! Holy moley. But the trailer, there, is a work of genius. How many times do they say "mutiny" in there? It never stops cracking me up. Seriously - I just hit play and had to stop when all the "mutiny"s start. ("We're talking about mutiny, Scotty..." says Bones. Oh! Are you??? I'd never have guessed. ENOUGH TO CONVICT YOU AS MUTINEERS AND YOU ARE SO CHARGED...) 

So perhaps it is not Shatner who earns this place in the countdown, but whomever edited together that trailer. Still, it wouldn't work without all the Shatnerism on display. (That "security guaarrrrrggggh!" bit is glorious, as well.

Oh, I mentioned a blocking moment in my last post. This is the episode. The script called for Kirk to turn right or left (I forget) but the only problem was there was a wall there and not a door. When Shatner protested, the director snapped at him, and Shatner - like the rest of the crew, dealing with the emotional and professional exhaustion of having been cancelled by the network - just said eff it and did it, leaving us with a wonderfully weird moment where the Captain (obviously under the control of Janice Lester who doesn't know where the doors are) turns and starts to walk at full stride into the wall. The scene cuts before he smashes into it, but there it is. 

33. 

Kirk with Chekov 

"Day of the Dove"

Here's how Shatner reacts to Chekov trying to out-Shatner him.

After Shatner beats him, he does the double-shoulder grab and sudden head-turn, scoops him up off the ground, delivering a crazed monologue, and walking so as to stay in frame as long as awkwardly possible.

As far as Shatner moments go, these few in the corridor are about as representational as can be. 

"Is this what's in store for us, from here on? Violence? HATRED?!"

32.

"Here's one thing you can be sure of, mister." 

"Balance of Terror"

It's not all going to be silly/ crazy Shatner moments in this countdown. Here's the first of the serious ones. Shatner's whole attitude throughout "Balance of Terror" is great, but this sudden, swift slapdown of this guy's bigoted cracking wise about Spock is even greater. 

When The Big Book of Shatner is finally and definitively written, his attitude in this episode (and "Archons") will be the light that leads the wise men to the manger.

And finally:

31.

CAPTAIN'S LOG mix 

I often joke about the guy at Starfleet who has to enter Shatner's Captain's Logs into the Starfleet Archives. What does he think when stuff like this is transmitted back to Earth from deep space?

"When a man of Scotty's years falls in love, the loneliness of his life is suddenly revealed to him. His whole heart once throbbed only to the ship's engines. He could talk only to the ship. Now he can see nothing but the woman." 

("The Lights of Zetar")

Or how about:

"Stardate... Armageddon. We must find a way to defeat the alien force of hate that has taken over the Enterprise. Stop the war now, or spend eternity in futile bloody violence." 

("Day of the Dove")

Does he (or she) stop and think "Is... Is he talking about Vietnam? What is this?" Or how about:

"Captain's log, no stardate. For us, time does not exist..." 

("City on the Edge of Forever")

I mean, how does he even make that entry? The eternal majesty. (And that entry just dangles there, too, like that's all he had to say. Just letting you know!)


Just a few examples. What are some others?

~

We'll be back on the morrow - tell your friends!

Top 50 Shatner Moments in Trek, pt. 1: 50 - 41

Like a lot of people, I watch Star Trek for plenty of reasons. One of those reasons? The enduring dynamism of William Shatner's performance as James Tiberius Kirk. 

As mentioned here: "People have been talking about Shatner's portrayal of Captain Kirk for several decades with no end in sight. A performance with that kind of longevity isn't an accident. Each generation seems to get even more of a kick out of it than the last. I'm not here to tell you the guy's career has been unfairly evaluated, (but) let's just get this out of the way up front: if your list of Greatest Marriages of Actor and Role does not include Shatner-to-Kirk, you're doing it wrong."

So say we all.

What follows below with another 4 posts to follow is neither an exhaustive attempt to explain the Shatner/Kirk alchemy (by Crom, who could) nor a definitive overview of even the 50 moments I quote. Shatner's portrayal of Kirk is the proverbial Riddle of the Mystery's Enigma. Nevertheless, I thought it'd be fun to make a list of every last Great Shatner Moment and rank them according to my own equally-pointless-to-quantify criteria. Mainly: which have cracked me up the most over the years and which moments/ deliveries would simply not be as effective if rendered by any other actor, living or dead.

Not included: monologues (with one unavoidable exception, way up there in the Top 5). I think the above holds true for any of the big Kirk monologues in TOS or beyond ("Risk...", "Maybe we can't stroll to the music of the lute...", so many more), but I wanted to concentrate more on moments: explosive or improbable cadence, unreasonable emphasis, over the top agony, facial expressions that transform the television frame into a window unto a new dimension. 

Also missing from the below (I realized only after it was done): anything from Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home. And I kind of stick by that; the weird thing about that movie is that while Shatner certainly brings his A-game, even the more extravagant gestures ("Double dumb ass on you!" "Haven't you got any got any goddamn feelings about that?" etc.) are comedy rooted in the script/ character. Which is another way of saying that while no actor could be Captain Kirk in that movie, many could deliver the same lines in the context of that troupe/ script and get them across in the same way. That sudden-off-the-charts-spike that I'm referring to as some kind of "Shatnerism" is absent. 

Not so with the below. Very very much not so.

One last thing: I wish I could have uploaded audiovisual examples of each and every entry, but alas. I offer this in a next-time-you-watch-give-a-listen/keep-a-look-out spirit. Let us begin!

50. 

Kirk Takes a Swing at Lava Rock Monster

"The Savage Curtain"

All right, technically I'm getting started with something that immediately contradicts what I just wrote - any old schmo could achieve absurdist-wtf immortality by trying to punch a creature made of molten rock. I mean, the guy literally just formed from lava and rock right in front of them. I don't begrudge the Captain either his overconfidence or his brashness, but I mean, FFS, you're trying to knock a rock unconscious. This is three-dimensional chess ridiculousness here - the more you think about it, the further into the trap you fall.

And that's why it's leading things off; that sentence is the closest I can get to any kind of mission statement, here. 

49.

"Uhurayou'retheonlyonewhocandoit" 

"Mirror Mirror"

Great line? Not in the slightest. I mean, it's a nice enough moment between Kirk and Uhura and all, but we're here because of Shatner's line delivery. When you watch TOS enough (say, every episode a hundred times or more, with your favorites maybe a thousand) you start to identify and organize Shatner's various line deliveries. This one falls into that words-all-tumbling-out-over-one-another-without-an-ounce-of-doubt-or-self-consciousness category. 

Subtle, almost inconsequential, blink-and-you'll-miss-it stuff. But if caught, I think you'll agree: this is essential Shatner line delivery. As is:

48.

"One more move..."

"and I'll break it!"

"All Our Yesterdays"

I'd like to resurrect my dead buddy Klum for even more reasons than I watch Star Trek. But among them: his uncanny impersonation of this line. He hit the beat perfectly. Another easy-to-miss Shatner delivery that is a quiet wonder. I don't know what the algebraic equation of his line delivery would be, but the part after the equals sign would be in ALL CAPS.

47.

Pose in doorway 

"Wolf in the Fold"

Whether or not this was due to Shatner or the director doesn't matter. The director (or at the very least the AD) very well may have blocked the scene, although on a television series set, especially for a show like TOS where they went through almost as many directors as episodes, it was common for the actors to insist on their own blocking. (There's one memorable case of Shatner being overruled in this area, which we'll get there: it's in the countdown as well.) 

At any rate, while giving chase to the sound of a woman screaming, Kirk pauses to heroically pose in the doorway. Shatner executes this with such quick and effortless gusto that it earned a spot in our countdown. 

46.

"Relax and enjoy yourself..."

"Wolf in the Fold"

And while we're here, in the scene that immediately precedes the one above, Kirk dispatches Scotty off with the doomed dancing girl by delivering this line in such a bizarre-drawl-y way. Shatner's accent is sometimes funny ("sabotaage") - would this be an example of Montreal's in the mid-20th-century? I don't know. I do know that the way he delivers this line stuck in my mind enough where I had to make it the leitmotif of a 4-track sound collage (since lost, unfortunately * ) to dislodge it, lest the resonant feedback from its echoing around my skull vibrate it to smithereens. This is a Shatner mind-bomb we're talking here; I wasn't taking any chances. 

* If you picture something like this but with the accompanying dialogue being a heavily-sequenced and slowed-down "We won't leave without you, Scotty. Relax and enjoy yourself (enjoy yourself) (enjoy yourself)" rather than the electro-shock therapy lines in that link - and stretched out to 10 minutes or so - that was more or less it. 

45.

"Who did it... and why?"

"There was a Federation colony on this planet - IT WAS DESTROYED!"

"STOP THE TORTURE!"

"Day of the Dove"

A three-way tie, here, showcasing one of the over-the-toppier episodes from the series. Each deserves mention, but this episode is an embarrassment of such riches. And one of the few where Kirk is out-Shatner-ed by Walter Koenig. 

But! That's a whole different list. Here, these are rather self-explanatory, but a shout-out to the middle one, above, where Shatner explodes. This is the vocal equivalent of switching from the high speed lane to the exit ramp in one deft, dangerous maneuver. 

44.

"Too close, may be a trap, let's move out." 

"Operation: Annihilate!"

Trust me on this one. Next time you watch. Comes right around the time they first discover the neural parasites. 

43.

"You're killing her-r-r-r!" 

"The Gamesters of Triskelion"

One of Shatner's most ridiculous memorable cut-to-commercial howls. 

Oh, we'll be back to you, "Gamesters." We'll be back.

42.

"Penny-ante Operator" et al.

"Piece of the Action" 

This is more of a catch-all post for all of Shatner's antics this episode. I wouldn't point to it the way I'd point to something like "The Paradise Syndrome" when trying to explain the essence of the Kirk/Shatner gestalt, but it's a signal flare to say the least.

As with 45 up there, Kirk's "Hang on a minute - hang on a minute" while trying to herd the Iotians into cooperation under the laissez-faire banner of the Federation is, like that "Relax and enjoy yourself" up there, representational of a certain nasaly-drawl Shatner sometimes brought to his line delivery. 

41.

ATTACK OF THE KILLER P's

(Parallel, Paradise, Planet, etc.)

If there is a hallmark to any Shatner impersonation - at least the ones I rate as competent or better, and this guy reigns supreme - it's the conspicuous pause before a word that begins with "P" and his compressing his lips together so tightly that the word explodes outward, like a shotgun blast, once released.

So many examples... but it's enough just to point it out. Someone should make a definitive list. The next time I do a complete TOS re-watch, I'm on it. Until then, this'll have to do. 

~

Oh we're just getting started! Tune in tomorrow for the next ten moments of this glorious joyride through glory itself!