It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: My Favorites, pt. 2

Continuing with my favorite 15 episodes from last time. We've been in A+ territory from the first, but we move into A++ this time around.

10.

Season 5, episode 7. (2009)

Dee thinks the returning veteran she's been online dating is a quadriplegic and pushes him off on Artemis. Meanwhile, when the Gang's plan to book Da Maniac (Roddy Piper) for their patriotic-themed wrestling event goes awry, they take to the mat themselves as the Birds of War. Frank's wrestling character, The Trashman, makes a timely appearance.

This is a start-to-finish masterpiece. Let's break this into four parts:

(1) The stuff with Dee, Artemis, and the soldier is all great. Why is it always funny when anyone calls Dee a bitch? Extra points, though, when it's Artemis.

No link alas.

(2) Tough to screencap the Trashman but oh man. Frank's idea for his wrestling persona is fantastic. ("I come out, I throw trash all over the ring, then I start eating garbage.") This has had a long shelf life in our household as each of my wife's and my kids has gone through a brief obsessed-with-garbage phase, so we've dubbed each of them "the trashman" several times. (We don't actually let them eat garbage - babies just do a bunch of gross crap. And when you catch them in the act of it, it helps to be able to say "THE TRASH-MAN!" a la Frank Reynolds.) Anyway, the ending to this episode - with the Trashman almost killing Cricket's Taliban character, and the crowd going wild and Hulk Hogan's theme song playing over the end credits - is one of my favorite things ever.

(3) Everything about the Birds of War - from their evolution from Charlie and Mac's backyard wrestling days as the Pigeon Boys, to the Gang working out their theme song ("The new second verse is ridiculous." "The 2nd verse is necessary to clarify who we are!"), to the ridiculous costumes, to Charlie's trying to turn them into a "Chicken Boys" direction, to this magnet I have in my office:

All awesome.
"BUT THE MUSCLES OF MEN!"

(4) Da Maniac is a great character (loosely based on Mickey Rourke's character from The Wrestler) and memorably brought to life by Roddy Piper. They manage to sketch out the depth of his craziness with only a handful of details, my favorite being the bucket of chestnuts in the back of his station wagon ("Does he forage his own food?") He returns - also memorably - in "Dennis and Mac Buy a Timeshare."

9.

Season 5, episode 10. (2009)

Dennis reveals the insane system he uses to make any woman become obsessed with him. When no one else can make it work, he takes over and orchestrates a can't-lose scenario at the local carnival for everyone.

Dennis's evolution as a sociopath gets better and ever more detailed as the series progresses. Season 5's "The D.E.N.N.I.S. System" comes one year after the first true glimpse we had of this side of Dennis (coming up in spot #7 so I won't say anything). And raises the stakes considerably. 

Caylee (the pharmacist who serves as Dennis's real-world example as he explains the system to the Gang) is played by Glenn Reynolds' real-life wife Jill Latiano.

("Watchin' every motion in my foolish lover's gaze...")

The Waitress is also in this one, so one of the more anti-romance episodes in television Always Sunny history also has all but one of the leads (DeVito's) real-world spouses starring in it. Too bad they couldn't have found somewhere for Rhea Pearlman.

Speaking of DeVito, early in the episode Frank reveals he has his own system: he buys Magnum condoms in front of the girl he's trying to bang. Dennis tries to dissuade him of this, but Frank holds on to it. At episode's end when Frank attempts to improvise by posing as Dr. "Mantis Toboggan" (the fake doctor Dennis has been using to write the prescriptions for his fictional grandmother, played by series semi-regular Gladys (RIP Mae LaBorde) he scrambles it all together. ("You got the AIDS big-time! Oh - whoops, I dropped my monster condom which I use for my magnum dong...!") DeVito's line delivery is so perfect. Actually I'm mashing two bits together in that quote, oops. First part cued up here, second here.

8.

Season 6, episode 9.

Dee takes a job teaching drama at a local high school and Charlie takes a job as its janitor. Mac and Charlie argue over the proper use of blackface in film and decide Dee's job is the perfect opportunity for fresh eyes on their amateur-made movie of Lethal Weapon 5, starring themselves, which features both blackface and blackvoice, to figure out which is more offensive to the youths of today.

We'll get to Lethal Weapon 5,  but I need to spend a little time with Charlie's day job as the janitor. Or "the Professor," as he's dubbed himself or the kids have dubbed him - way likelier he's dubbed himself that. He meets Richie when he's being bullied in the bathroom by other students. (A lengthy excerpt, but I can't help myself.)

"Kid, what's going on with the clown makeup, though? You're sticking out like a sore thumb."
"That's 'cause I'm a Juggalo. I.C.P.! Insane Clown Posse, yo."
"I don't know what that - You have a posse? Well, good. Stick with your insane clown people, and you won't get jumped."

(Later, in the principal's office.)

"Uh, Principal MacIntyre, I recently started mentoring one of the kids here."
"Really? That's odd, because you're a... janitor."
"Yeah. But Richie here is a hell of a kid, and he's struggling. You see, he's what's called a juggler?"
"Juggalo, bro."
"It's sort of a clown posse. I figured you and I were getting tight enough that I could maybe come in here and ask that he be allowed to wear his makeup in school."
"Well, it's school policy that no one should paint their face. So that's the rule, and that's the end of that."
"Tell you what. I'll take him to the locker room, lather him up real good. I'll strip all these silly-ass clothes off him, and I'll clean him sparkling clean. Brand-new kid for you. Bring him back up."
"No, no, no. Please don't bathe the students."
"You're right. He's a big man. He can bathe himself, can't you, Rich?"
"Yeah, dawg."
"He's bathing himself, and I'm watching. Let's go, Richie. You're getting cleaned up."

Dave Foley doesn't have much to do as the Principal except play the straight man to the craziness unfolding around him. Which he does pitch-perfectly. He's in 3 Always Sunny episodes in all, the one preceding this one and Season 9's "Gun Fever: Still Too Hot."

As for this one...

I don't think I can adequately describe how much of an astounding surprise this was the night it originally aired. I watched it with my wife, and neither of us had any idea something like this was going to unfold when we sat down that evening.

Dee brings her drama class to Paddy's Pub for a special viewing of Dennis and Mac's Lethal Weapon 5. The plot: Riggs (Mac) goes into the office of his partner Murtaugh (Dennis) with a cake to celebrate his retirement. 

The celebration is interrupted by their captain (Charlie Kelly) who tells them that someone else has died due to tainted tap water. When Murtaugh tells him that he's retired, the captain informs him that the victim was Murtaugh's wife. *

They go to see the Indian whose tribe owns the water rights to half of Los Angeles, Chief Lazarus (Frank). He denies knowing anything about the tainted water supply, and when Riggs and Murtaugh leave the scene cuts to an excruciatingly long sex scene between the Chief and his assistant. 

Riggs (now played by Dennis) is tied to a pipe behind a building, where one of the Chief's goons (Charlie) shocks him with a stun gun. Inside the building, Murtaugh (now played by Mac, in blackface) is tied up, and the Chief tells him of his plans to force the city of LA to pay him an exorbitant price for clean water.

 

Murtaugh tells him to go suck an egg. Riggs arrives and kills Charlie. He and Murtaugh chase Lazarus outside where the Chief is electrocuted in part due to his own tainted tap water. Riggs and Murtaugh salute their dead wives in the graveyard in the rain.  

The end.

* Holy crap, Charlie's tortured line delivery is so perfect in this bit.


Here's some bits from the Always Sunny wiki I thought worth sharing:

- The Extended Cut on the DVD set has a director's commentary by Mac, Dennis, and Charlie delivered in character. In the commentary, Mac and Dennis state that Charlie "wormed his way" into the movie, and Charlie believes them when they claim that they actually did film the opening shots of L.A. in a helicopter. He also fails to recognize Paddy's Pub multiple times even though its appearance is barely changed. 

- Frank's love scenes resemble those in Tommy Wiseau's The Room.

- The music over the closing credits is a version of the song "Runaway Train" by Elton John with Eric Clapton, which was used in the movie Lethal Weapon 3.” The very Charlie-fied lyrics are: “There’s a horny dwarf / Sittin’ on my porch / Gonna beat me up tonight / There’s a broken wind / That’s blowin’ me / But my pants are on too tight...” That someone (presumably Charlie) recorded the above garbled words over a perfect sounding karaoke track of the song for the credits is just one of the many surprising delights of this whole sordid affair. Genius. Season 9's sequel ("The Gang Makes Lethal Weapon 6") is pretty great as well, but the original reigns supreme.

7.

Season 7, episode 3. (2011)

Frank buys the rights to stage a beauty pageant in the bar but doesn't realize it's for children. Paranoid he will be perceived as a pedophile, his every attempt to to put the moms and supervisors at ease backfires spectacularly. The gang inserts themselves into the pageantry.

This skewers just about every aspect of the whole children's pageantry world you could think of. Highlights include: Dee's need to destroy both the bratty front-runner among the kids as well as all the contestants' high maintenance mothers, Frank's complete meltdown, 

"Magic's in the air-r-r..." and most definitely, Mac, Dennis, and Charlie's techno performance of "Yankee Doodle Dandy."

I tried to embed that a few times, but it keeps giving me problems, so a link will have to do. Earlier in the episode, they see the lone boy among the contestants and imagine he's been forced into it, until it becomes clear to them not only has he very much not been coerced into competing but that he's "born to pageant." They take him under their demented wing ("let the boy win for once!") and the link above is the result.

Genius.

6.

Season 7, episode 2. (2011)

Dennis and Dee want to relive their carefree childhood vacation memories and bring the gang to the Jersey Shore.

Goddamnit, this episode makes me laugh. I wish I'd made it. Kudos, Matt Shakman and Dave and John Chermin. And of course the performers. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Always Sunny is the most consistently well-written and well-performed show still in original production. The quality from all sides is so consistent. Season 7 especially is just crazy ridiculous good. Possibly a high point, yet several of the episodes still to come in this Furious Fifteen countdown are from later seasons. Ridiculous.

Once the gang gets separated, their individual stories play out in segments until the ending montage set to the Go-Go's "Vacation." This montage is one of my favorite things. I say that a lot in this blog, but that makes sense, as I prefer blogging mostly about my favorite things. 

Frank and Mac and their rum ham drift out to sea in a liferaft before getting rescued by a party boat of JS guidos.

Dennis and Dee's attempt to recreate the magic ends in a nightmare of meth-fueled terror.

Charlie, meanwhile, has never seen the ocean before and is blown away by everything he sees. (Except for the two homeless dudes banging under the boardwalk.) He tries to copy Dennis and Dee's trick of drinking out of his sunblock, but he doesn't empty the sunblock, so he's blotto on a mixture of SoCo and Coppertone. Suddenly he runs into the Waitress, who for the first time in the series is nice to him. 

They spend a magical night together with the beach all to themselves (as it's closed due to a chemical spill.) 

The next morning, of course, the Waitress is back to her normal self and horrified at blacking out and waking up next to Charlie. ("Last night, I lived one of my actual nightmares.") Charlie chalks it up to summer love. 

Part genre deconstruction, part tragedy, all comedy.

Finally, I forgot all about this last one until just before press time and had to make room for it.

5.5

Season 9, episode 6. (2013)

While the gang is inside shopping at a convenience store, a robber comes in and holds up the cashier. Undetected in one of the aisles, each imagines his or her life from the moment after they act to save the day.

Each of the fantasies is pretty pitch-perfect to the character. Mac imagines himself in some escalating kung-fu ninja scenario that ends with him sitting at the right hand of God (played by Justin Lopez). Frank imagines himself helping himself to the disgusting convenience store hot dogs. Dee joins the robber in a crime spree before parlaying the experience into an acting career, marrying Josh Groban and Brad Pitt in quick succession. 

Each of these segments is great fun (particularly Dee's) but my two favorites are Dennis's and Charlie's. First up: Dennis imagines himself getting shot and learning to walk again under the inspirational eye of Jackie Denardo (Jessica Collins, formerly of Tru Calling) of the Channel Five News Weather Team. (Last seen in season 7's "Storm of the Century.") When she is struck by a car and the doctors must remove her breasts to save her life, Dennis smothers her with a pillow. 

As the fantasy fades, Dennis seems genuinely confused by where his mind took him on this one.

I love this for a couple of reasons. (1) The whole thing is accompanied by "Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves. (Like I said last time, anytime the show goes outside the Heinz Kiessling orchestration, it's always perfectly chosen. I don't know if they've ever failed to choose the perfect accompanying song.) It fades out after Jackie's accident and fades back in as he's smothering her with the pillow. (2) Glenn Howerton's line delivery here reminds me so much of my dearly departed brother Klum's exaggerated drunk mumbling voice that I laugh and tear up at the same time.

"Theforecast...callsfor...sunshine..."

I understand if this can't really be a reason you love this sequence, but hey, while we're here. You certainly don't need to have known Klum to appreciate the ridiculous dynamics in play here. And (3) When Dennis's idea of himself clashes with reality, it's always a high point of the series. Glenn Howerton is Shatner-to-Kirk-level good as Dennis Reynolds. We saw him completely stumble when he met Jackie Denardo in person (see again "Storm of the Century") but his brain has been working on it a couple of seasons and this is how it all plays out.

Lastly, Charlie imagines the robbery leading to (of course) the Waitress recognizing his true value at last. They marry, have kids, grow old, and die.

Kinda tough to make out, but the story being read Charlie and his litter of kids with the Waitress looks like a children's version of "The Nightman Cometh," Hoo boy!

Well, the Waitress dies. Widower Charlie, caretaker of the house they built together, is lifted into the heavens Up-style.

This last one really puts a lump in your throat, ridiculously enough. But it's also such a perfect idealized projection from Charlie's mind - as is Dennis's. The whole show thrives on its protagonists remaining stubbornly, almost superhumanly incapable of rising above their co-dependence. While each fantasy plays out a story of individual heroism, what they each play out is their own imagined role in the gang. Only Frank, weirdly enough, seems well-adjusted enough to project an actual version of himself into the imagined future.

At episode's end, they grab as much food as they can carry and bolt out of the store, leaving the cashier to fend for himself.

~
Tune in tomorrow for the Top 5 of Dog Star Omnibus's

Furious Fifteen of Always Sunny Funnies!

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: My Favorites pt. 1

  

The fourth season premiere of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia ("Mac and Dennis: Manhunters" 9/8/2008) was not the first episode of the show I saw, though it was the first new one I ever saw, FWIW. I remember it less for that and more for my parents calling me up the day after it aired to tell me they hated it, with some what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-you in between the lines. I didn't tell them to watch it or anything, but I'd gotten into the show that summer and had been raving about it so I guess they tuned in.


Let's have a look at what they tuned in to, as it also serves as a pretty good approximation of the type of show Always Sunny is. Plot A: After hearing Frank refer to himself as a great hunter, Mac and Dennis decide the true test of a hunter would be to hunt something that could hunt him back, i.e. a man. They pick Cricket (David Hornsby), a recurring character on the show (from the wiki) "a Catholic priest who becomes defrocked, destitute, abducted, severely injured and addicted to cocaine all directly or indirectly resulting from the influence or action of the main cast." Not all at once in this episode, of course. Here they just want to catch him and teabag him. 

Well, Dennis wants to teabag him. Mac wants to "gorilla mask" him. (i.e. shave his pubes and glue them to Cricket's face.)

Plot B: Tired of Charlie's helping himself to his fridge full of venison and other game meats, Frank decides to lay a trap of raccoon meat, knowing Charlie (and Dee) will eat it, while telling them what they've eaten is actually human meat. Convinced they've contracted the insatiable hunger for human flesh, they quickly unravel. 

"Is that stupid? Oh I'm sorry Dee, then I guess Jaws IV was stupid, okay? Because it's the exact same plot."

The two plots combine at the end, as Frank, either confusing his life with John Rambo (as everyone points out at different points of the episode) or actually having had a similar experience, wants to teach Mac and Dennis a lesson about how hunting a man can lead to disastrous consequences. He works with Cricket to get them to the apartment he shares with Charlie, where, of course, no one learns anything. 

"(Cricket) Get ready for a mouthful of strawberry blonde hair-covered balls. Frank? Grab 'em."

"Yeah, we're not doing that."
"What do you mean we're not doing it?"
"I lied."

"What?"
"What is it with you people? I mean, you guys are always touching each other's nipples, putting your balls in each other's mouths."
"Yeah, it's fun."
"It's funny."
"I just don't understand your generation."
"(Charlie) 'Raccoon meat.' Bullshit! That was human meat, I know it."
"Look, I don't give a shit what you think."

I do love that it's DeVito, one of my parents' generational own, that delivers that "I just don't understand your generation" line. If they made it far enough in to hear that might have struck a chord. In truth practically any episode of the show would have alienated my folks, but this one ends with the protagonists of the show about to sexually assault a homeless man FFS, and the others rancid with tapeworm after bringing a hot plate to the morgue.

Things I Love: (1) How Charlie gets the plot of Jaws IV wrong. There's more context to the line above in the scene, but there are so many things like that with Charlie throughout the series. Charlie Kelly is one of TV's all-time wild cards. (2) Frank's whole Rambo-confusion and the lengths to which he takes it. Both of these aspects (the subtler aspects of Charlie's poor confused brain and the weird, gross intensity DeVito brings to his character) are Always Sunny specialties.

Which brings me to my Fifteen Favorite Episodes. Favorites, not Best. Whittling it down to fifteen was tough enough, and I only allowed myself to run with the below because I have some follow-up posts planned. 

I also haven't seen Season 13, and the show's coming back for a 14th season, so there'll be at least two more posts sometime in the future, ranking those.

Here's all you need to know: Mac, Dennis, and Charlie own Paddy's Pub, a bar in Philadelphia. Dee is Dennis' sister, and Frank is their father. For a few seasons. Then he isn't. Frank moved in with Charlie to basically "get really weird with" his indeterminate amount of years left on Earth. Charlie is in unrequited love with The Waitress (Mary Elizabeth Ellis, his real life wife). Mac and Dee are married in real life, as well. Everyone else's arcs and further quirks will be self-evident as it goes along.

And it's all scored to the otherwordly orchestrations of Heinz Kiessling. And without further ado, spots 15 through 11 of the Dog Star Omnibus Always Sunny Furious Fifteen:

15.

Season 4, episode 10. (2008)

After Dee has a mild heart attack, she and Dennis learn they are no longer on Frank's health insurance and vow to live healthier lifestyles. Mac and Dennis split a mail-room job solely for the health benefits, but Charlie cracks under the pressure. Frank is hospitalized in a mental institution when he trips too hard after taking far too many of his high-end insurance anti-anxiety meds.

This last bit leads to a fun little homage to One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

"Why is the government not providing us with health insurance? I mean, what is this, like some kind of socialist country or some kind of communist dictatorship?"

Just to give you an idea of the bar to clear for my own furious fifteen, here, I consider Charlie's breakdown in this episode to be a Top 10 All-Time TV Moment, right up there with whatever you like.

"You know what, Barney? Give this guy a cigarette."

Like any of the jokes in this countdown it's better seen than described, but here goes: Mac quickly abandons any pretense of working, so Charlie is left on his own to deal with the endless flow of mail. He starts chain-smoking and drinking coffee non-stop and invents an imaginary friend (Barney, above.) We see him slowly losing it through the episode but it's not until he gives Mac his whole idea of what's going on - all scored to Yello's "Oh Yeah" and delivered with a nod to Michael J. Fox in Sweet Smell of Success - that everything goes wonderfully off the rails. He becomes fixated on "Pepe Silvia," a name he keeps seeing, along with "Carol in HR."

Charlie's illiteracy is an ongoing joke in the series, but sometimes they don't spell it all out for you: what he's seeing - or so many Always Sunny fans, myself among them, believe - is 'Pennsylvania" and "c/o HR" on the envelopes, but he's spun this whole fantasy around it.

Another specialty of the show is how it takes a hot button topic (gun laws, abortion, health insurance) in a totally unexpected (often depraved) direction. Often, once you strip away the odder developments, the underlying premise is not without its own argument: health care - the existing model, its reformers, its consumers, its defenders - is skewered pretty unsparingly here. If obliquely. And with "day-bomp-bomp (chick, chickachickahh)." It's the approach I prefer on such things. 

14.

Season 5, episode 7. (2009)

Dee recruits the Waitress and Artemis for a Sex and the City-esque night on the town which turns inevitably to disaster, while Mac, Dennis, Frank, and Charlie try to solve the mystery of the episode's title.

The Dee part of the episode is great fun. Her enormous feet (and lack of funds) make the expensive shoe acquisition part of the re-enactment problematic, and the Waitress' heretofore undisclosed drinking problem torpedoes the cosmopolitans and picking up guys. 

Artemis doesn't help either. Always a scene-stealer, Artemis Pebdani absolutely kills it in this episode.

From the wiki: she is an actress "overly serious about her craft who displays bizarre habits and outbursts."

The poop part is ridiculous, of course, but it's again a great example of the show's developing an absurd premise (Frank and Charlie's whole roommates set-up, sleeping in the same bed "ass to ass", platonically) in an even more absurd direction, ending with a JFK-style mock trial complete with blown-out-lights and black and white 16mm film stock re-enactments.

"Well, right off the bat, I think there's a clear solution could have prevented this entire thing. You guys need to get two beds."
"Oh, maybe I'll get two TVs and two refrigerators. Do we come to your house and tell you how to sleep?" 

"I sleep in a king-sized bed, by myself. When I have to go to the bathroom, I use a toilet."

"Oh! Look at Dennis on his bed made for kings with his toilet made out of gold!"

Starring Fran Kranz as the guy at the college who examines the poop.

13.

Season 7, episode 5. (2011)

The sudden appearance of Frank's brother Gino prompts he and Frank to tell the Gang about their adventures in the 60s and 70s and their rivalry for the love of the same woman, a singer named

"Shady Nasty?"
"Sha-dynasty, asshole!"

Naturia Naughton as Shadynasty, Jon Polito as Gino.

And Lance Reddick as Reggie.

Another damning social commentary delivered by unreliable narrators to unteachable students. I love this crap. DeVito's and Polito's casting-via-Beatles-wigs as their younger selves earned big laughs from me.

I'm leaving so much out it's ridiculous. If there's a funnier or subtler or more disarming examination of white privilege - and there is but we have to wait to pt. 3 of My Top 15 to see it - I don't know it. Same destination as many a commentator on the topic - whole different landing approach. And as with "Sweet Dee Has a Heart Attack," it's the one I prefer.

12.

Season 7, episode 7. (2011)

Bored, the Gang decides to play CharDee MacDennis, their self-invented boardgame with drinking and byzantine rules. Frank joins Mac and Charlie's team, who in all the years the game has been played have never won a game. Level 1: Trivia, Puzzles, and Artistry (wine). Level 2: Physical challenge, pain, and endurance (beer). Level 3: emotional battery and public humiliation (hard alcohol).

"(Mac, reading question to Charlie) "You definitely wrote this one. 'Dennis is asshole.
Why Charlie hate?'"

"I don't think I wrote that."
"You definitely wrote this one, Charlie."
"I'm not remembering that. I don't think I wrote that one."

"Oh, my God, of course you did. How many other illiterates are in the - Just throw out a guess."
"Pass."
"Son of a bitch! All right, chance to steal."

(Dennis, bursting to answer) "BECAUSE DENNIS IS A BASTARD MAN!"

"That's what it is."
"(Charlie) Oh yeah, I definitely wrote that."

Any group of friends of longstanding usually has some kind of game tradition, rituals that have grown over many years of playing the same game together. It's cool to see that explored here, and one so uniquely adapted to the Gang's particular eccentricities and alcoholism. Frank is the stand-in for the new participant/ the audience, thrown into something that has been ongoing for years.

I forget the name of Mac and Charlie's team (still officially unnamed) but Dennis' and Dee's is The Golden Geese.

One of the rules of round 2 and 3 is "no swearing." This leads to a creative litany of fake swears. I didn't get them all, but they include "Cheese and Crepes," "Cheesum Crow," "Fudge on Crackers, all right?" and "Mr. Falconing sons of birds."

11.

Season 3, episode 14. (2007)

Mac and Dee become vigilantes to solve the homeless problem. Meanwhile, after buying a junkyard police car to scare the homeless away from the bar, Frank and Dennis dress up in police costumes and begin to abuse the public while Charlie dresses as Serpico and tries to expose them.

This one's a lot of fun. The cop car and costumes bring out the fascist side of Dennis and Frank's personalities, while the Guardian Angel costumes Mac and Dee wear fail to bolster their courage or effectiveness. Charlie, meanwhile, goes off into the stratosphere with his whole Serpico thing, which was not something I suspected would happen when originally viewing this one. 

Not the first or last time Charlie's references 70s Pacino.

I don't want to forget the junkyard cat, Special Agent Jack Bauer, that comes with the cop car. "He's got a thing for gasoline - he was born in a pool of it."

I was torn between "The streets are flooded with the ejaculate of the homeless, and you want to call the POLICE?" and "I don't want to see you or your dirty balls in my alley again!" for my leader quote, so there's both of them. There was no question as to which video clip to include, though.

 "I taped over the Spin Doctors mix! 
Look, I'm ready to blow my whistle here."

~
Tune in tomorrow (or Monday if I get lazy) for spots 10 through 6!