Spider-Man: 1988

SPIDER-MAN in the 1980s, pt. 11 of 12

Pray to your Spider-Gods, he says... Okay, Vulture. Spider-gods prayed to. Destiny likewise embraced. Make way for 1988.

1. THE EVOLUTIONARY WAR

This was Marvel's summer '88 event, unfolding over all the various annuals. It kinda blew. SequArt pretty much nails why - see there for the full scoop. All we need to know for this series is that a Gwen Stacy clone/ variant makes her way into Peter's and MJ's lives. Rather forgettably. "There’s never a convincing scene which ever explores this set-up in anything other than the most cursory, clichéd fashion (...) as if the most important aspect of a story which dealt with the two greatest loves of Parker’s life was a punch-up involving a small platoon of obscure and profoundly uninteresting super-people who Spider-Man had never met before." 

Old school. The Gwen Stacey clone returns years later, but outside of our scope here.

Steve Ditko returns to Amazing in the annual as co-creator (with DeFalco) and illustrator of the unfortunately-named Speedball, but the character never appealed to me. He eventually joined New Warriors, a popular late-80s title though likewise, something with which I never connected.

2. MARVEL TALES #209

Reprinting ASM 129, written by Gerry Conway and penciled by Ross Andru.
 

The Punisher was big news in '88. Two mega-selling titles (one of which had Marvel's other hot artist of 1988: Jim Lee) and guest appearances galore. If Marvel had been more on the ball, they could've scooped the Batman hysteria of 1989 with a fully-committed Punisher movie for Christmas '88. Instead, the straight-to-video version with Dolph Lundgren materialized three months after the summer of Batman in '89 and disappeared without a trace.

Nevertheless, the character's popularity in the comics was through the roof. As the original appearance of the Punisher was out of my 14-year-old price range, I was more than content getting to read it in Marvel Tales.

Fun stuff. As is this little backstage aside:

3. SPECTACULAR SPIDER-MAN 134 - 145

Written by Peter David (134 - 136) and Gerry Conway (137 - 145). Penciled by Sal Buscema (134 - 145).

Peter David returns for a solid Sin Eater sequel, and Gerry Conway - coming back to the company he once Editor-in-Chief-ed (for a handful of stormy weeks between Marv Wolfman and Archie Goodwin) and the character where he made his reputation from 1972 to 1975 - took over after him. 

The Tarantula is brought back, this time as a shadowy assassin sent to El Notre to extradite or exact revenge on political exiles.

The US Govt. lends him the new Captain America (aka John Walker) to help. To his credit, he eventually turns on his partner, but the political symbolism is appreciated.

Elsewhere, the big story is a mysterious man from Joe Robertson's past returns and puts him in the hospital. The case slowly brings Spider-Man and The Punisher together for a trip to Texas on the Kingpin's business and yadda yadda.

Relevant takeaway: enter Tombstone, and the Lobo Brothers.

4. WEB OF SPIDER-MAN 34 - 45

Written by Jim Shooter (34), Gerry Conway (35 - 36), Jim Owsley (37), Fabian Nicieza (38 - 39), Peter David (40 - 44), and Alex Blaustein (45). Penciled by Sal Buscema (34), Alex Saviuk (35 - 36, 38 - 45), and Steve Geiger (37).


Both SSM and Web were overshadowed at the time by the McFarlane-ings over in ASM, but these 24 issues are some solid Spider-entertainment. Solid Bronze Age sensibility on the cusp of the Copper Age. 

4a. HOBGOB O'LANTERN

The former Jack O'Lantern continues to try and make a go of it as the new Hobgoblin. Audience confidence is undermined by every character in-frame telling him he's a complete loser. One of next year's crossover-events is Inferno, and within its pages, Macendale gets his own unique (and brief) angle on the character. 

4b. FLASH F**KING THOMPSON'S FURIOUS CULT OF LOVE

I quite enjoyed this 4-part Betty-joins-a-cult story:

Still traumatized by recent events, Flash becomes concerned when he sees her in the company of a mysterious stranger.

When Betty disappears, Peter approaches Kate Cushing and shares his suspicions that she's been kidnapped by the Students of Love (!), a mysterious cult centered around an eccentric healer. Kate knows the cult - her sister disappeared into them some time ago. She pairs him with Ben Urich, and they go off to investigate. As Spidey, Pete runs into Flash's independent fact-finding; he promises to keep him apprised. Then he infiltrates the cult as a would-be acolyte.

Betty convinces Spidey she's joined the cult of her own free will and is quite happy there. After taking a look around and satisfying himself she's in no danger, he decides to respect her wishes. He doesn't like it but likes forcibly disenfranchising her even less.

Flash reacts badly to the news.

Spidey tells Flash to stay away. You think Flash gives a toss? If you do, brother, you don't know Flash Thompson. 

With the help of some of the cops and ex-cops in his pick-up b-ball league -

they extract Betty from the cult, with extreme prejudice.

Everything else plays out more or less as you might expect:

It has been suggested that Flash Thompson needs a Lifetime movie. I agree - and a whole damn series to follow. You wouldn't even have to change anything: just take every Flash appearance in the 80s (including Marvel Tales) and film it as-is. Extra points if the same actor plays Flash as an older man and as a high schooler, and extra-extra points if that actor is Sean Penn.

I probably could've put this Cult Betty story in -

5. PETER PARKER SOAP OPERA

but as you can see, I had plenty to work with already. Without further ado:

5a. MOVING ON UP

So long skylight hi-jinks and crazy neighbors and Mrs. Muggins. MJ and Peter throw a going-away shindig. Peter accidentally drinks some of the spiked punch before web-slinging. Classic Parker.

So long Bambi, Randi, and Candi - one last time to shape-shift into completely different-looking ladies between panels/ titles.

The swanky life in Bedford Towers quickly turns dangerous, though, when their landlord, Jonathon Caesar - spelled annoyingly with a "thon" throughout the issues themselves but with a "than" at the official Marvel wiki - obsesses on Mary Jane and kidnaps her.

She ends up shooting her way out before Spidey gets a chance to save her.

And speaking of MJ:

5b. MY WIFE'S, LIKE, A LINGERIE MODEL, AND STUFF

After a somewhat sweet beginning with the wedding last year, things quickly descend into parody.

The basic trend here is that MJ goes off on her modeling shoots and thinks about Peter's happiness. Then, she goes home and makes her own erotic photographs for Peter or waits around for him in some frilly number. Then Peter comes home and they go off-panel with some "let's go make our own photos, lover!" dialogue, then Peter web-swings off. Rinse wash repeat.

There's a pretense of career-tension and occasionally something mixes up the routine (see "kidnapped by a stalker!' above) but it's all very much a 14-year-old boy's idea of what a kick-ass-bro marriage must be. Mary Jane was once the cool girl in Peter's life, but here she becomes interchangeable "cool girl" in a generic adolescent fantasy. And McFarlane's ever-shifting character model for her makes it almost seem as if these different leggy redheaded women are playing the role of Mary Jane Watson-Parker from issue to issue, sometimes panel-to-panel.

5c. BACK TO SCHOOL

Peter decides to resume his classes at Empire State and Dr. Sloan (remember the guy who was always chewing him out?) even gets him a job at the lab.

"I'm sure there's nothing to see here" re: Anne-Marie's remark in that rightside panel.

5d. WEBS AND BOOK TOUR

The Bugle, asserting its rights as the legal owner of Peter's work product, sells all of the Spider-Man photos it bought from Peter over the years to a publishing company, who collects them all into an oversized, overpriced hardcover and sends him on a book tour to promote it. (Read into that as you will re: the work for hire controversy of the era - our own era, too - and the considerable slice of Marvel's bottom line accounted for by trade paperbacks and Marvel Masterworks, etc.) Peter protests at first until they tell him he'll make $25k for doing it, and even extra if he can get Spider-Man to appear alongside him from time time. 

And off he goes!

This gives the Spider-staff an excuse to send Peter to various locales. Which gives rise to a problem we'll discuss below, but it also stretches believability at certain points.

Such as when Peter reveals himself to be a huge fan of Tama Janowitz, and the two become fast friends.

Or when Peter finds himself on Carson.

5e. THE MORE THINGS CHANGE

From ASM 129 (1974)

From Web 39.

6. AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 296 - 310

Written by David Michelinie (296 - 310.). Penciled by Alex Saviuk (296 - 297) and Todd McFarlane (298 - 310).

Legend has it that Sol Harrison, DC's President in the 70s, was asked why Marvel was selling more than DC month-to-month. His answer: "Bad art." I'm sure it's likely only anecdotal, but it always makes me chuckle. I don't particularly think of 70s Marvel as afflicted with bad art - everything I can think of off the top of my head is pretty great, actually: Gene Colan, Ross Andru, John Buscema, Gil Kane, John Romita Sr., Dave Cockrum, etc. - but there's something to the idea of art that is appreciated by other artists or upholds a historical standard vs. art that is popular with the masses. Sometimes there's crossover between these two groups, and sometimes they're mutually exclusive. But if they're ever in direct opposition, the popular-with-the-masses art is going to win everytime.

I'm sure you don't need me to draw you a map to see where I'm going with this.

5a. TODD McFARLANE

Full disclosure up-front: I'm not much of a Todd McFarlane fan. I wasn't at the time, and this re-read just drove it home all the more. This is the sort of bad art that took over the industry in the late 80s and beyond. Here's why:

- All the Crazy Capes -

Look, I'm not someone who demands a huge amount of realism in my comics art. I like a cleaner style, sure, but I can appreciate some over-stylizing. You want your character to have a bunch of non-functional pouches and armbands because you think they look cool? No worries. You want a big target on your chest for bad guys to aim at? Go for it. By all means, choose what looks cool over what would be technically correct; comics are first and foremost a visual medium. But sometimes you can go a little too far. McFarlane never drew a cape that was the same size from panel to panel, nor made even the slightest functional sense. 

I mean, every last one of these folks would be killed almost instantly from getting their capes stuck in everything. But for some reason, this really caught on with the readers, and before you knew it, everyone was wearing capes that measured anywhere between ten and fifty feet long. 

That's the Prowler on the left and the Taskmaster on the right. In case you thought it was Spawn and some wizard.

- Inability to Draw Non-Bulked-Up Men -

For some reason, McFarlane was perfectly capable of drawing people the way they normally looked while in costume, but as soon as they took it off -

or even in t-shirts, as evidenced by Flash and Robbie's tickets to the gun show (l, below):

or even an old, skinny dude like the Black Fox (r) -

everyone got all 'roided out. This even extended to flashback sequences, such as when Peter remembers first getting the black costume:

He even adds planets that weren't there to the Battleworld skyscape. I mean, there's a caption right there - "for more info, see SW #9," daring you to compare the panels yourself.

- Muddy Design -

Sometimes I just can't tell what the hell is going on.

On the left, what the hell is this three-pronged white thing in the foreground? On the right, I get that the Prowler has snapped Spidey's webline, but his hand might as well be from a different panel. And does he have a whole 'nother cape inside his outer cape? These are covers, where clarity is extra important. Or at least should be.

What is up with Peter's hair? Why are he and Aunt May holding huge 2001 bones to their heads and speaking into them as if they were phones?

McFarlane favored these sort of thin, long panels with seemingly random zoom-ins or crops:

Maybe it's just a you-say-tomato sort of thing, but man, this just looks bad to me. It's true I prefer a more traditional panel layout. Too many jagged or askew panels rarely do anything but clutter up the visual narrative. To what end? McFarlane's style is cluttered enough already - why draw attention to it? 

You know who disagreed? Every other kid in 1988.

Finally:

- The Webs -

From The Comic Book Heroes by Gerard Jones and Wil Jacobs: 

"DeFalco called me in the office and said 'Quit drawing your spaghetti webbing.' I said, 'Yes, sir. 'Don't make the eyes so big. How come you put so much black into his costume?' I said, 'Oh, yes, sir, I'll change it right back, sir.' Then the next issue I'd make the eyes twice as big, I'd make the spaghetti webbing twice as long, and the sales would go up even more." 

Sal Buscema's more traditional take on the webbing on the left for contrast.

Changing the look of the webbing isn't the biggest deal in and of itself, of course - ditto for making the eyes bigger or for all of the above for that matter. But as part of the general design overhaul initiated by McFarlane (on the sly, as quoted above) the web thing didn't always make a lot of sense. Stan Lee once wrote that there's a reason Spidey tends to stay in Manhattan - that's where all the skyscrapers are for web-slinging.

But when the Webs tour has him traveling all over the country, little thought is given to the lack of skyscrapers in, say, rural Kansas:

where this panel (from 302) takes place. Just one of countless examples.

Is Gerry Conway - no stranger to Stan Lee's fundamentals on the character - busting on his ASM colleagues in this panel from Web 40?

Hell, Spidey doesn't even have to leave New York for the conceit to fall apart. Here he is seemingly miles above the South Bronx:

 

Google the South Bronx and tell me if you see anything that would sustain this sort of web-slinging. Only a year or two ago, we saw how Spidey fared in another of the five boroughs (Queens) - yet here he is, slinging himself along with mile after mile of webbing. Marvel's NYC doesn't have to correspond one-to-one with the real world, of course, but I'd feel better shrugging it off if the attention-to-detail wasn't already so compromised.

5b. VENOM

It has been suggested that a poll for greatest Spidey villain ever would probably return only one overwhelming result: Venom.

I agree - he probably would be picked for such an honor. But over my strong objections. Venom is actually one of the dumber characters going, for me. I've never understand the crazy appeal he has for people. Neither Venom as a character or Eddie Brock as an alter ego ever interested or made any sense to me in the slightest.

Watching my Spider-colleagues go apeshit for this generic weightlifter with a leftover look baffled me at the time and still gives me a pang of irritation 27 years later. More from The Comic Book Heroes:

"McFarlane designed a horrific new villain named Venom - actually the black costume Spidey wore for awhile after Secret Wars, but transformed by Todd's courageous grotesquerie into an animated embodiment of menace."

Horrific? Courageous? It takes courage to take someone else's visual design and then just not follow the normal rules of anatomy/ visual consistency? Didn't that used to be called laziness? McFarlane would repeat the same formula with Spawn (compare to the Prowler, above) a few years later and "make history." 

One thing about the character is certainly ominous, though: he is a harbinger of things to come, both at Marvel and elsewhere. Within a few years, the McFarlane model would dominate - and cannibalize - the industry. 

~ 

NEXT: I Will Spider-Man No More Forever: The Shocking Confession!

 

15 X-Files Episodes Worth Your Time

Like many who came of age during the latter decades of the last century, I loved me some  X-Files. 

And like many who loved them some X-Files, I have ambivalent feelings towards the movies and the finale. Particularly the finale. It's not the most disappointing finale ever made or anything - it just doesn't properly resolve the mythology storyline. But in all fairness, I'd punted on the mythology episodes a few years before the actual finale, so barring a miracle-finish, there wasn't much they could do to bring me back in the fold. 

Well, I wanted to, at least.

Let me give you some background. The height of my X-Files mania was probably 1997 or so. I jumped in right around the end of Season 4 - more specifically, the summer re-runs of Season 4. We had a weekly Sunday night party at my friends' apartment, and it became a tradition we continued in one form or another for many years. In those days, I loved the mythology episodes and vastly preferred them to the Monster-of-the-Week episodes, which I saw as just occasionally-amusing sidetracks. This was before the days of DVD-or-streaming binge-watching, but I caught up on the first few seasons via the Dayton Public Library. (And my folks back east, who sent me VHS tapes on a semi-weekly basis, God bless their hearts.) Slowly but surely, I mastered the backstory before the start of Season 5.

I couldn't tell you exactly when I soured on the mythology of it all. Sometime over Season 6? With each impossible-to-reconcile-with-what-came-before event in and after the Fight the Future movie? That movie still baffles me... it could have been the coolest thing ever. It should have been the coolest thing ever. Instead we got this huge domestic terrorism set piece, pointless moments

- ahem -

and all that FEMA tomfoolery. And that ending - ai yi yi. What a missed opportunity.

The premiere of Season 5, which resolved the cliffhanger from Season 4, was probably for real the most fervently-anticipated season premiere of my TV-watching life. I loved those episodes ("Gethsemane," "Redux" pts. 1 and 2) at the time. Nowadays? With hindsight of the whole mythology arc? I don't think you could pick better examples of how the mythology-episodes collapsed under their own weight than these 3 eps.

One man's opinion, of course. Here in the Internet Age, you'll find no shortage of fan sites, re-watches, speculation, disagreement, analyses both qualitative and quantitative, and woolgathering on this topic. 

For my part, my disillusionment with the mythology arc opened up the Monster of the Week episodes in a way my previous obsession with them hadn't allowed. I found I really loved them. Well, a lot of them, anyway. The X-Files has its low points, and its middling points, but its high water marks are some of the greatest TV ever made. 

So here are my own 15 faves. This is just a list or tribute of sorts, not a sincere attempt to convince anyone of anything. I'm assuming a basic familiarity with the show on the reader's part. I may post something more substantial on any of the following or maybe even one of my honorable mentions, such as "Home," which has a legitimate claim to being the best horror movie made in the 90s despite being a one-hour television program, and "Post-Modern Prometheus." Or "Humbug," another of my faves. Or maybe I'll finally take the plunge on the Doggett years and unearth some presently-unknown-to-me gem that I'll need to get on here and gabatcha about.

Time will tell. In the meantime, Dog Star Omnibus presents:

The X-Files 

Monster-of-the-Week

Furious Fifteen 

15.

Season 6, Episodes 4 and 5.

Directed by Kim Manners (pt. 1) and Michael Watkins (pt. 2).
Written by Vince Gilligan, John Shiban, and Frank Spotnitz.

PLOT: An anonymous tip brings Mulder and Scully to that center of UFO lore, Area 51. They're prevented from entering the base by a group of soldiers and Men in Black, but upon witnessing a flyover from a mysterious aircraft, Mulder and one of the MIB, one Morris Fletcher, discover their minds have been swapped into the other's bodies. Can Mulder first convince Scully of the truth and then somehow reverse the effect?

WHY I LIKE IT: This two-parter has many comedic moments, ranging from a fun Marx Brothers tribute from Michael McKean and David Duchovny to all the great moments from Gillian Anderson as she responds to her partner's increasingly bizarre behavior. But the comedy definitely has an edge: due to the space-time "re-do" that gets them back into their own respective bodies, both Mulder and Morris forget the lessons they've learned. i.e. Morris forgets he really does love and respect his wife. Back to their lonely and alienated existences, none the wiser.

Maybe not, though - the waterbed Morris bought for Mulder's pad stays put, even if he doesn't remember it, so maybe Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher live happily ever after. (But I doubt it).

HIGHLIGHTS: (Mulder-Morris to Lone Gunmen) "There's no Saddam Hussein! This guy's name is John Gillnitz. We found him doing dinner theater in Tulsa." (Morris-Mulder to JoAnne Fletcher) "Does Scully sound like a girl's name to you?" Also, Mulder falling asleep to porn in the Fletchers' living room, or any/ all of his fumbling attempts to be a family man in general. 

14.

Season 6, Episode 3.
Written and Directed by Chris Carter.

PLOT: When the Queen Anne, a British ship that disappeared in the Bermuda Triangle in 1936 re-appears in 1998, Mulder is sent to investigate. When he is knocked unconscious after wrecking his raft, he wakes to find himself aboard the ship in the past, during a Nazi take-over of the vessel, surrounded by people he knows from his own time (Scully, the Cigarette-Smoking-Man, etc.) in different identities. Proverbial hi-jinks proceed apace. Meanwhile, in 1998, the Lone Gunmen and Scully go to the Triangle to rescue him.

WHY I LIKE IT: I'm a sucker for any Bermuda Triangle story. Ditto for Nazi bad guys and time travel, big band scores, or Wizard of Oz-esque doubling for familiar characters (Skinner as a double agent is probably my favorite.) All of this plus the fact that it was originally aired in letterbox, and Mulder's and Scully's kiss - which works here and is a great moment, not the slashfic-bait of the first movie -  followed by a punch and a leap into the sea all add up to a very satisfying hour of X-Files TV. 

It's not without its drags, though. In particular, the long-shot gimmick becomes just that after awhile: a gimmick. The story in no way demands the technique, and the long sequence at FBI headquarters where Scully basically runs around in-between Kersh and others who want to trap her is kinda-sorta pointless. Using a flamethrower to lightly toast a bagel. Wrong tool for the job. 

HIGHLIGHTS: (Mulder to Nazis) "I hope you guys speak Russian." (Scully to Mulder) "Get your Nazi paws off me before you get one in the kisser." 

13.

Season 3, Episode 20.
Directed by Rob Bowman. Written by Darin Morgan.  

PLOT: Scully and Mulder are interviewed by a famous author (Jose Chung) as research for a UFO-abduction novel he is writing.

WHY I LIKE IT: I like stories that explore the "unreliable narrator" concept, and X-Files played around with that every so often in a really compelling way. Darin Morgan (the author of this episode) was good at this sort of thing. (He wrote three eps which would be covered here if this was a top 25 list: the aforementioned "Humbug," and season 3's "Clyde Buckman's Final Repose" and "War of the Coprophages.")

That said, he could sometimes get a little clever - a few too many parodies-within-parodies and send-ups-within-send-ups for my personal tastes. (Oddly enough, this is exactly what I love about this sequel to this episode, Millennium's "Jose Chung's Doomsday Defense.")

HIGHLIGHTS: Well, Alex Trebeck and Jesse Ventura as Men in Black, obviously. And Chung's description of Mulder as "a ticking timebomb of insanity" has never left my head.

12.

Season 7, Episode 12.
Directed by Michael Watkins. Written by Vince Gilligan. 

PLOT: The crew of popular reality show Cops follow Mulder and Scully around as they search for a monster that feeds on fear. (Oooh, so many layers of meta in that plot description.)

WHY I LIKE IT: On first glance, this might come across as a gimmicky Season 7 "What the hell do we do now?" play from the writers. But the gimmick actually works pretty well, and there's not an awful lot of winking at the camera. Vince Gilligan had this idea as early as Season 4, as well, but I'm glad it had time to gestate. I think it fits S7 better than s4.

HIGHLIGHTS: Scully's continued annoyance with the crew, the other cops' exasperation at Mulder's theories (that they can still mine gold from that trope this far into the show is remarkable), and the long line of dubiously-credible witnesses for Mulder's monsters. "In the end," writes Sarah Steagall, "the only credible witness is the camera," which is there only to record Mulder's biggest fear: not finding the monster. And in front of a live audience, to boot. 

11.

Season 1, Episode 8.
Directed by David Nutter. Written by Glen Morgan and James Wong.

PLOT: Mulder, Scully, and three other scientists travel to the Arctic to investigate what went wrong at a remote research station. Whereupon they discover an organism that appears to make its host want to kill other people. It's up to Scully to science things right before Mulder starts shooting everyone in the face.

WHY I LIKE IT: I like this one more or less equally with "Darkness Falls," also from Season 1, but since they're basically the same sort of episode, I went with the one that reminds me more of The Thing. This is a useful rubric for tiebreakers.

HIGHLIGHTS: (Mulder) "Before anyone passes judgment, may I remind you we are in the Arctic." Also, nice turn by Jeff Kober as Bear.

10.

Season 7, Episode 21.

Written and Directed by Vince Gilligan

PLOT: The genie episode.

WHY I LIKE IT: Honestly, what's not to like? It's a fun spin on a timeless theme. I agree with Zach Handlen, this "feels almost like the ultimate X-Files fan love letter. There’s so much stuff in here that should feel like fan service but just doesn’t, like that final scene where Mulder and Scully settle in on a couch to talk about nothing in particular and the weirdness of having just found a frickin’ genie."

HIGHLIGHTS: (Mulder, naturally) "Schwing!" (Jenn, reading the text of Mulder's unused wish) "'This plane of existence' - what are you, a lawyer?" (It's funnier in context.) Also: Anson's eventual screams-of-the-damned once he returns from the dead.

9.

Season 5, Episode 3.

Directed by Kim Manners. Written by Vince Gilligan.

PLOT: In 1989, the Lone Gunmen meet for the first time when they assist a woman who claims the government plans to use civilians in a secret experiment. She is being chased by an agent determined to stop her: Special Agent Fox Mulder.

HIGHLIGHTS: The opening - SWAT team discovers a naked and highly agitated Mulder, screaming 'They're here! They're here!" When we see things from his point of view, the agents resemble The Greys. Also: Lone Gunmen origin story, Mulder's cellphone, and Detective John "Do I look like Geraldo to you?" Munch crosses over to yet another universe. (That line, by the way, is a tribute to the character's first appearance way back in Homicide: Life on the Street, s1, e1 ("Do I look like Montel Williams to you? I am not Montel Williams.")

"No matter how paranoid you are, you're not paranoid enough." (Susanne Modeski) Amen, sister. 

8.

Season 6, Episode 21.

Directed by Kim Manners. Written by Vince Gilligan and John Shiban.

PLOT: When a young married couple's skeletal remains are found in the middle of a North Carolina field near the Brown Mountains, Mulder suspects they are victims of the regionally famous Brown Mountain Lights. When he investigates further, he nearly becomes a victim himself, not of the Lights, but of the carnivorous mushrooms that line the field and nearby caves. The spores from the mushroom induce hallucinations so overwhelming that whomever inhales them is comatose while the mushroom slowly ingests them.

WHY I LIKE IT: To be honest, when I sat down with the idea of this list, I thought this would be my #1 episode. At least top 3. This time around, while I was certainly thoroughly entertained and still love the twists and turns and weirdness of it all, it fell a few slots in my rankings, as you can see. 

HIGHLIGHTS: Oh, so many. But the ending where Mulder and Scully, barely alive after almost being digested by the mushrooms, weakly touch hands in the ambulance, is one of my favorites. I never cared about any will-they-or-won't-they stuff between Mulder and Scully. To me that was always misplaced. What makes them Mulder and Scully is not hidden attraction; it's their co-dependence, mixed in with their platonic loyalty and earned respect.

7.

Season 7, Episode 19.

Written and directed by David Duchovny.

PLOT: Skinner pimps Mulder and Scully out to his old college buddy, a Hollywood writer/ producer who is gathering material for an FBI script. When they see the finished version, they are less than pleased with the results, while Skinner is absolutely thrilled.

WHY I LIKE IT: Duchovny's second outing as writer/ director is an improvement on Season 6's interesting-failure "The Unnatural." (An episode I like, don't get me wrong, I'm just not sure if it's wholly successful.) This one, like "X-Cops," could be a gimmick-gone-awry, but it's fun fan service from start-to-finish.

HIGHLIGHTS: Naturally, the Hollywood versions of Mulder and Scully (played by Garry Shandling and Tea Leoni) steal a considerable part of the show. But the Lazarus Bowl (a concept you don't see discussed much outside of this episode) is a pretty cool idea. 

6.

Season 3, Episode 13.

Directed by Rob Bowman. Written by Chris Carter.

PLOT: A rare planetary alignment gives two teenage girls telekinetic powers, which they use for their own sick amusement. The townsfolk - unruly rubes, as is often the case when Mulder and Scully venture out into the country - are sure it's the work of Satanists. An exasperated Scully and an even-weirder-than-usual Mulder try and suss out what's what.

WHY I LOVE IT: A Buffy episode, more or less, or perhaps it's more of a Heathers send-up, as Connie Ogle at PopMatters thinks. Either way, it works just fine for me. I'm not surprised when some people tell me this is one they actually hate - I split pretty hard with some folks on the teen-drama-as-metaphor-for-worldly-horrors genre. Similarly, I've seen people cite Mulder's speech at the end ("We are but visitors on this rock, hurtling through time and space at 66,000 miles an hour, tethered to a burning sphere by an invisible force in an unfathomable universe. This most of us take for granted while refusing to believe these forces have anymore effect on us than a butterfly beating its wings half way around the world. Or that two girls born on the same date at the same time and the same place might not find themselves the unfortunate focus of similar unseen forces, converging like the planets themselves into burning pinpoints of cosmic energy, whose absolute gravity would threaten to swallow and consume everything in its path.") as out-of-step with the tone of the rest of the episode.

I disagree. Moreover, this was actually the very speech that turned The X-Files into something I casually enjoyed into a show I watched and loved. Whether it's astrology, Bigfoot, conspiracy theory, or whatever-you-like, the only belief system I hold in contempt is that which claims that what we know in 2015 (or any given year) is the end-destination of all knowledge everywhere. If you happen to stand in that section of the Venn Diagram which is mutually exclusive to such mental short-sightedness, Mulder's speech is a breath of fresh air.

You know, in today's climate of hard-black-and-whites and reactionaryism, I doubt The X-Files ever would have taken off at all.

HIGHLIGHTS: (Terri to Margi) "I said 'Hate him, wouldn't want to DATE him!'" (Scully) "Shut up, Mulder." (Mulder) "Sure. Fine. Whatever." Also, Mulder's flirting it up with Mrs. Stanwyck from Fletch is great stuff. (As is "I was just never sure if your little feet could reach the pedals." Oh no he didn't!)

5.

Season 6, Episode 14.

Directed by Kim Manners. Written by Vince Gilligan and John Shiban.

PLOT: Mulder and Scully are caught in a time loop where they are blown to bits in a bank robbery gone awry. During one of the repeat-days, Mulder is stopped by a woman, Pam, who is the only person not oblivious to living the same day on repeat. It is her boyfriend who keeps blowing up the bank. There are subtle changes in the events, but the results are always the same: Bernard detonates the bomb, usually after shooting Mulder, and they all die. Finally, Mulder and Scully hit upon the one tragic way to stop the loop.

WHY I LOVE IT: I love the repeating-day storyline. Fans at the time thought it was a retread of Groundhog Day, but Gilligan and Shiban maintained it was an homage to the classic Twilight Zone episode "Shadow Play." It definitely has some hallmarks of those, but the one I thought of was Star Trek: The Next Generation's "Cause and Effect." 

But I also love it because this is one of my favorite Mulder-episodes. Mulder was a complex guy, lots of facets, but underneath it all, he has a good heart.

HIGHLIGHTS: (Pam) "This has never happened before." All the stuff with Mulder's waterbed, as well.

4.

Season 5, Episode 12

Directed by Cliff Bole. Written by Vince Gilligan.

PLOT: After Mulder drives a stake through the heart of a would be vampire while on assignment in a small town, he and Scully review what happened before they meet with Assistant Director Skinner.

WHY I LOVE IT: Another episode I assumed would be either my favorite or top 3. As you can see, it's still knocking on the door. This is basically a perfect episode. A lot of these top 10 ones are. Humor, heart, genre deconstruction (both the vampire genre and The X-Files itself), and a great Rashomon-style structure.

HIGHLIGHTS: The whole thing, really, start to finish, but most of the fun comes from Scully's and Mulder's radically different version of events. (And impressions of one another - Mulder in Scully's retelling is especially funny). 

3.

Season 5, Episode 11.

Directed by Rob Bowman. Written by William Gibson and Tom Maddox.

PLOT: While investigating a shoot-out that leaves a renegade computer software genius dead, Mulder and Scully (with some help from The Lone Gunmen) are led to Invisigoth. She tells them of a vast government conspiracy involving artificial intelligence that allows them to see everything and take action against all enemies. Gelman (the man killed in the shoot-out) actually created it. The only way to stop it is to feed it the "kill switch", a CD containing a neutralizing virus.

WHY I LOVE IT: I'm lukewarm on everything I've read by William Gibson except for this episode, which is just start-to-finish badass. Here's one I always remembered liking, but a re-watch shot it all the way up to position 3.

HIGHLIGHTS: "Twilight Time," that creepy-as-hell ending, and Mulder's erotic torture sequences. Plus, the oddly endearing love story between Invisigoth and the AI. 

2.

Season 5, Episode 19.

Directed by Kim Manners. Written by Vince Gilligan.

PLOT: An employee, Lambert, from a telemarketing company is convinced that his boss is literally a monster who no one else can see for what he really is. When he takes everyone (including Mulder, there investigating for the FBI after the company expressed its concerns) hostage, Mulder comes to believe Lambert may actually be telling the truth.

WHY I LOVE IT: Holy crap is this episode a masterpiece. It's very unsettling, for one, and two, just a perfect example of the kind of monster-metaphor-for-us/corporate-culture The X-Files (and particularly Vince-Gilligan authored episodes) excelled at. It takes a central theme of the show (Mulder is the crazy one; Scully is his tether to reason and reality) and finds a new and unexpected way to turn it all on its end. 

You know, a contemporary audience would feel a lot of resistance to this one, which makes me happy. This is the sort of story that exists in that portion of the Venn Diagram I mentioned above. I think there is an unfortunate tendency these days to say "Well, whatever else is going on, I just can't be on the side of the crazy guy waving the gun around" and a sort of mental block is erected. A commendable (or at least understandable) precaution in real life; intellectual cowardice in the world of fiction. 

HIGHLIGHTS: "Madness is always better when shared by two." God bless you, Mulder and Scully. 

1.

Season 6, Episode 2.

Directed by Kim Manners. Written by Vince Gilligan.

PLOT: A man, Crump, infected with a deadly pathogen climbs into Mulder's car and tells him to keep the vehicle moving or he will die. Scully keeps in touch with Mulder via cellphone and attempts to find a cure. Her search leads her to classified Naval research involving long wavelengths, and Mulder to the edge of the ocean itself.

WHY I LOVE IT: Sustained momentum, unexpected character development and bonding between Crump and Mulder, that wonderfully eerie raid on the deaf woman's trailer by Scully and the gang, which always causes a lump in my throat when we see how terrified the woman is and Scully's attempt to reverse the situation, and a turn from Bryan Cranston that is just haunting. The whole thing is just so perfectly executed, and the ending is a real gut-punch. I really believed the almost-friendship that develops between Crump and Mulder. And that final eff-you between Kersh and Mulder is the perfect coda. 

I've been thinking about this episode ever since the night it originally aired. True for many of these, but truest of "Drive."

HIGHLIGHTS: For a series known for its cold opens, this is perhaps the best cold open ever. ("Bad Blood" might be 2nd). (Mulder) "Well, on behalf of the International Jewish Conspiracy, we're out of gas."

And (Clump, later) "Mr. Mulder... can you drive just a little faster, please?" 

~

Well, looking over this list, I guess I'm primarily a fan of Vince Gilligan's X-Files, aren't I?  And I can see something of a pattern in the sort of episodes to which I gravitate.

How about you?